I write a lot of senseless jargon

I was bored

2006-10-05T23:16:00.000-07:00

You Are a Green Apple Jelly Bean

Of all the flavors, you're the most complex and the most real. A little sweet, a little sour, and totally tangy. People can't describe you, but they love you!

What Flavor Jelly Bean Are You?

You Are 92% Brutally Honest

The truth hurts, especially when it comes from you.
You don't mince words, and you probably take this result as a huge complement.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

You Are Pumpkin

Realistic and practical, you see the world for how it is.
You know what it takes to succeed in life...
And you're happy to help others reach their goals.

What Color Orange Are You?

Your Love Number is 3

You're confident and charming, which makes you able to keep your relationships fresh.
A true perfectionist, you give your all (and then some!) to your sweetie.
Honest, funny, and kind... you are the ideal lover for many.
Just don't let your jealousy get the best of you!

What Is Your Love Number?

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.
Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.
And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.
When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.

Your flirting style: Laid back

Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking

Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm

What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things.
Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments.
You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it.
You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle.

You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Are 20% Lady

You're a pretty crass, and even a bit crude on occasion.
Manners don't matter to you, but they sure matter to those around you.

Are You A Lady?

You Are 80% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world.
Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Your Daddy Is Johnny Depp

What You Call Him: Pops

Why You Love Him: He knows best

Who's" Your Daddy?

Lets play catch up.

2006-07-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been over a month I think since I last wrote. Not a lot has happened sense then. Pretty much I wake up every single day at 9, take care of my nephew, Matthew and then get ready for about 15 minutes and have to run out the door, barely make it to work and then get home around 1, eat and sleep aroud 2. Wake up and repeat. It gets a little old, but Im not hating it yet. The babysitting is what is doing me in. I love that kid SO much, but he cries all day, and he is driving me up the wall. I do love him though, dont get me wrong and he does sleep most of the day, but lately he just screams all day long. Grrr. Plus the fact that I have been missing a lot of sleep. I am used to waking up at like noon. Those were fantastic times. But life moves on.

So there is this new dude that I sort of have a thing for. He is freaking adorable. He works with me and he is so sweet. His dad is one of the managers of the hotel and so they carpool together because they live far away. So I get to work at 4 and he gets off at 4:30. Then he goes downstairs and changes and waits in the cafeteria until his dad gets off at 6. So I take my lunch at 5 now so that I can go and sit with him. I eat my dinner and he eats ice cream. One day we were talking and I looked at the time and I said "Oh I have to go now." And he said "No, dont. Stay down here with me." So now when its time for me to go back upstairs, he comes with me and hangs out until 6. I love hanging out with him. The other day we were talking about what nerds we both are. He was saying all this stuff that makes him a "nerd" and I said, "I can top you, I like math." And he said "me too, thats my favorite and best subject." So he got bored in high school and started taking college classes, and by the time he graduated high school, he had some sort of degree in college as well. Thats VERY impressive. Then one day we were talking about Monopoly and I said I have hardly ever lost a game, which is true and he said he hasnt ever lost one. So we talked about our strategy and we have the EXACT same one, down to our favorite properties. That is odd. So then I, being the Pirates of the Caribbean fan that I am, saw pirates the first day at midnight when it came out and he was jealous. So he got tickets and went, then he called me right after it let out to tell me how much he loved it. That impressed me. First of all because he remembered that I liked Pirates, then he took the time to find my number and called me. Thats sort of cute. So Melissa, being the office whore keeps talking about how much he flirts with her and all that shit. Well she got pissed with me because the second I walked in the door, he said "hi Sadie!" and then didnt say another word to her the entire day, and they were supposedly talking before I got there. He sits 2 seats down from me and will do the cutest thing ever. He gets his notepad and writes me notes and holds them up across the room. Its adorable. Like the other day he is all "SADIE" and so I looked up and he wrote Hi, Sadie! Im glad you are here! And he just makes me smile. And he said the other day to me "you working on saturday?" and I said no and he said "darn." So I said "why?" And he said "well, I am working and I dont know what to do when you arent here." It was cute. Some may say that he is flirting with me or interested, but I think he is just a sweet kid and being nice. Hes a cutie. The thing is he isnt the normal type I go for, which Jeff said is a good thing. He isnt like HOT and I am not going for looks which is a big step for me. Dont get me wrong, hes a good looking kid, but he isnt an underwear model or anything. I really just LOVE his personality. I cant get enough of him. He is like a drug. I like it.

So Jeff is home and I sort of want to say "big deal" No offence, I love the kid. We are best friends, but I am so used to him being gone that its not a big deal he is back. He was pissed I had to work and couldnt meet him at the airport. Then he pissed me off the next day and I told him I dont want to see him. So he has been home since wednesday and I still havent seen him. He is only here for 10 days and most would expect us to hang out every single day, but the kid is a bastard. He called me the day after he got back to say hey and to set up something to do with me. So I was getting ready for work and didnt have time to call him back until I got to work. So he called from Skylers phone. I call Skylers phone and say let me talk to Jeff, blah blah blah. So Jeff answers and says "Hey. What do you want?" And I said "Nothing, welcome back to town!" And he said "I gotta go" So I talked to Skyler and he explained to me that they were at Rachel and Heathers house. So it all made sense. So Skyler said (his idea, mind you) "we are going to see Steve in Tooele and we will stop by your work and see you first" So I said okay, and whatever, hung up. So they never come. That night I text Jeff the word 'dickhead' and he gets mad asking me what the hell my problem is and why are the girls in Utah freaking out on him today, blah, blah. So I said to him very plainly "YOU called my fuckin phone. YOU left me a fuckin message and I called YOU back expecting to hear YOU not your 'play cool' tough-guy in front of the friends that dont like me. I dont care if they dont like me, but you dont have to pretend in front of them that you love me any less" So then he said "yeah, I know.... But dont you want to see me?" Like its such an honor, and he doesnt want to see me? So I said "I dont care if I ever see you again. Fuck off." And then I havent talked to him for about 2 days. Then today he is all "what you doing today?" And I said that I was doing stuff for my dads birthday and tomorrow we are having a bbq with the family and I have to work as well. So he gets mad again because he wants to see me. And you know, too bad. I am a grown up now, I have a job and shit to do. He is going to be gone for 4 years, and things are going to be weird between us and we are going to fall apart but life moves on. I love him a lot, but he pisses me off, and to be honest my life would be a lot less complicated without him. I worry about him a lot and I dont like to worry. Its no fun.

Survey from Matthew blog. Why not.

2006-06-18T22:42:00.000-07:00

1. How old do you wish you were? 21 so I can drink. I need that lately
.
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? I was at home eating cereal when they were showing the replay on the news. Then I was at school and watching it in Mrs. Winn's class. The principal told all the teachers they had to turn the tv off, but she kept it on, since it was a history class and it was history in the making.

3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Kick the shit out of it until I get the food or the money.

4. Do you consider yourself kind? You know... I am a nice person. I am also very generous. I am, however very blunt and I will tell you what is on my mind. If you are doing something that is pissing me off, I will let you know so you will desist immediately. Some consider that unkind, but I think of it as honest.

5. What did you eat for breakfast today? Nothing. I dont eat breakfast. I dont like breakfast foods.

6. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? On the small of my back or the back of my neck.

7. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish so that I know what all the people at work are saying about me all the time.

8. Do you know your neighbors? I do, sadly I dont enjoy them. I have a whore who cheated on her husband with the guy across the street right next to me, the mom that verbally abuses her kids and husband, the people that smoke outside and it circulates in our air conditioning and then the people that stick their nose in everybodys business. My neighbors suck ass.

9. What do you consider a vacation? Going somewhere exciting.

10. Do you follow your horoscope? No. All that is bullshit.

11. Would you move for the person you loved? Sure would.

12. Are you touchy feely? Very much so. Im a hopeless romantic. Hard to believe, I know.

13. Do you believe that opposites attract? Ying and Yang. Sure do.

14. Dream job? Movie critic.

15. Favorite channel(s)? CBS

16. Why do people always delete questions out of these? They dont. The people that write the surveys create stupid questions like that to see what people will say about how retarded they are.

17. Favorite place to go on weekends? Bed.

18. Showers or Baths? Showers. All the time because I cant find it in me to sit in a germ stew that is a bathtub.

19. Do you paint your nails? I sure do.

20. Do you trust people easily? Way too easily. I need to stop. It only burns me.

21. What are your phobias? Spiders, open spaces and being alone for the rest of my life.

22. Do you want kids? Yes I do. But I think adoption is the way to go after watching my nephew being born.

23. Do you keep a handwritten journal? Nope.

24. Where would you rather be right now? Vegas.

25. Who makes you feel guilty? Me, mostly

26. Heavy or light sleep? Very, very heavy. I have slept through smoke alarms, hail storms and earthquakes.

27. Are you paranoid? Very much so. Comes with the territory of being arrogant because I think people are always thinking about me, wheather good or bad.

28. Are you impatient? Very much so. I cant stand when I have to wait for something.

29. Who can you relate to? Only myself and even that is hard sometimes.

30. How do you feel about interracial couples? Seeing as how I dated a Samoan for 2 years, I would say Im pretty fine with it.

31. Have you been burned by love? Fuck yeah.

32. What's your life motto? No day but today.

33. What's your ringtone on your phone? Its Holiday by Green Day.

34. What were you doing at midnight last night? Talking to Skyler and working.

35. What did the last text message on your phone say? "Oh, my bad... my bad... my bad" (from Skyler)

36. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Dan and Noelle's. I was house sitting.

37. What color shirt are you wearing? White.

38. Most recent movie that you watched? RENT

39. Name three things that you have on you at all times. Cell Phone, Ipod, Hand sanitizer.

40. How much cash do you have on you right now? None. I only use the debit card.

41. What's your favorite town/city? Vegas. (You had to know that was coming.)

42. I can't wait to (til): I find the right one for me.

43. Who got you to join myspace?Jeffo.

44. What did you have for dinner last night? I didnt have dinner last night.

45. When do you wanna get married? Right now.

46. Who is the last person you spent $50 on? Myself. Im only here for myself.

47. Do you have an air freshener in your car? Yes I do.

48. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My heart. It has a giant hole in it.

49. If you could choose, how would you pass on? Doing something heroic. I want to be first page news and the top story on the news.

50. Any sex today? Alone? Or with someone else? Nope.

51. Do you miss anyone? Yes. I miss Jeffo terribly. I also miss the one for me that I havent met yet.

52. Do you like revenge? Love it.

53. Know how to swim? Yes! I took lessons and I got scared. They threw me off the diving board, so I pretty much had to learn.

54. Do you know how to skate? Yes! I do.

55. Did you do sports in high school? No. But I did the people that did the sports. Haha.

56. If you could have one wish come true, what would it be? I would find true love. I need that.

Skyler, Jeff and my mom?...

2006-06-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

I went with Skyler today to the Employment Center for the hotel, because he has no job and he wants to work with me. So we went there and it was good times. Since Jeff left, I havent really "hung out" with any of my friends. It was so much fun. We went there, and then went to lunch and just talked about nothing and cracked up at nothing, and it was SO MUCH FUN. I loved it.

So we arent hiring in our department YET, but I told him it wouldnt kill him to have an application on file just in case. So the reason I say yet is because lately there has been some drama going on with one of the workers here in the department. She is recently married, and it seems (thanks to Stephanie's eavesdropping skills) that her husband is a hitter. This really angers me more than I can really say. The reason is because women do this to themselves all the time. They dont stand up for themselves and a lot of them have Wife Beaters Syndrome. It is a real disease where they are addicted to staying with men that beat them up. Anyway, the other day she was on the phone with her husband (whom I have never seen sober, out of the 4 or 5 times I have seen him) and she said "Well I should have called the cops the first time you hit me you mother fucker." And she kept yelling at him, and cried and then left for the day early. Then she called in the next day because she was in a "car accident" on the way home from work the day before. She came in the next day and had a black eye with makeup caked on it. She NEVER wears makeup. I dont think I have ever seen her with makeup before except maybe on her wedding day. So then she was talking to us all about how there is always an endless supply of booze at their house. Thats not good, especially if he is already hitting her. So Stephanie took Julene aside and told her what has been going on and Julene said something to the effect that she may have to let her go. Then Julene was on the phone all day talking to somebody about her. Its all very interesting! Wow.

So I was texting Jeff today and he was freaking me out. He started talking about how hot my mom is. That is disgusting. And I said "You could have her- just fight my dad for her" and he said "okay." Then I said "You could have me without fighting anybody." And he said "Lets face it, Sadie-- You are hot, but you arent as hot as her." That was SO sickening to me. I had to vent to somebody. He made me so mad. Oh well. Moving on....

Matthew David King. Labor and Delivery.

2006-06-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

So the baby was born on June 9th. She was a week overdue, so they planned to induce her. She went in and started the IV with the medication to induce her at 8:45 am. She started having contractions early on and they were every 1-3 minutes apart, and lasting a minute each. So my mom, being the nurse that she is, told me to call everybody around 2:00 and tell them to get up there if they wanted to be there. So my mom works in the Physicians Office Tower right across the street from the hospital, was already there. My dad (who also works for IHC (now Intermountain Health) was doing a job fair there, and just had to walk upstairs) got there about 2. Then my other brother Dan and his wife Noelle showed up and my Grandma Jody and Aunt Dawna got there. My other grandma, Grandma King was already there, but had to leave because she was in 2 hour parking and didnt want to move the car and come back up (great planning on her part). So we were all there. Then Holly's sister (the one that actually likes her) showed up and we went to the room. So I was there, my mom was there and my dad and her sister were there. Then Stacey (her sister) left the room to attend to her daugher, and Holly started having major contractions and the nurse (who already called the doctor to get her ass over there) was saying "Try to hold it until Doctor Pieper (pronounced pee-per (which is hilarous for her career field)) shows up." So couldnt hold it much longer and she just started pusing and then not 2 seconds too soon, the doctor comes in, puts gloves on and gets ready. So Holly is pushing and the head comes out. The phone in the room rings and keeps ringing. I am getting towels wet with warm water to wipe the baby off with, my brother is holding her leg to push agianst and so is the nurse. My mom is having her hand squeezed by Holly and wiping the sweat off her head. So it keeps ringing. My mom gets sick of it and picks it up. The person said "Who is this?" So my mom says "This is Debbie, but I cant talk, were having a baby and the head is coming out" and hangs up. The doctor says "Holly STOP pushing your baby isnt happy with what is going on." The baby had the ambilicle (dont know how to spell that) cord wrapped very tightly around his neck and he couldnt breathe. So the doctor (keeping her cool in an uncool situation) says "your doing great, dont push yet, we are almost there." and she is trying so hard to get that cord around his head. She finally just had to pull it really hard. So the cord is better and Holly is free to push again. She pushes one more time and the baby is out. The whole thing took about 8 minutes from when her contractions were REALLY strong. So she had an epidural (once again, I cant spell) but it didnt work. So she had the thing naturally and did awesome with it. So the baby was out and cute as can be. So come to find out, the person on the phone was Holly's other sister (who is an idiot) and she called Stacey who was out in the hall while it was happening and she said "Why the hell are they in the room, and you arent?" So Stacey ripped her a new one for not even being there. Shut her right up. So her parents come strolling up there later (after they got out of the Temple (they work there) because they refused to cancel the temple so they could be with their daughter.) Honestly how do you think your going to get into heaven? By being with God instead of your daughter on the most important day of her life? I think not. Their whole family is so rude to Holly. We hate them, and so does Holly. So enough about them.

Baby Stats:

Matthew David King

Born June 9th (one may note that is also Johnny Depp's birthday) 2006

Weighing 6 lbs. 9 oz (one may note born on 6/9, weighing 6/9)

He is 21" long (one may note 6, 9 and 21 are all divisible by 3 (really only nerds like me would see that)

So there you go! And he is the cutest thing in the world!!!

Untitled... (But technically doesnt that title it?)

2006-06-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

Two possible results...

2006-06-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

Im addicted to the Found website, because I figured out that there are a lot of people that lose things that sum up what I am feeling. I need to tell Jeff that I am falling for him, but I cant seem to do it. One of two things will happen. He will freak out and say no and I will lose him, or he wont freak out, agree with me and we will live happily ever after. There is the rare chance that we will go out, it will be good times something will happen and then we will end up splitting up and our friendship will be lost forever. That I am lumping with the first category.

Strong contender coming in first place.......

The one that is less likely to happen of course....

But whatever the outcome is, the bottom line is I need to face my fear of rejection eventually. It may take a while and my opportunity may never come again, but I need to wait. Its not the right time yet...

This person makes it sound so easy, doesnt he? I wonder what in his life can validate this.

My family will get struck by lightening sooner or later.

2006-05-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

So today was good times. I woke up and my family and I went grave hopping. Thats the term we use, not really that nice, but hey it works. So Chris, Holly and myself were squeezed into the back seat. When I say squeezed, I mean it. We are probably the 3 biggest people in the world, not to mention that Holly is pregnant. So then my parents were in the front set. While we were at the cemetaries... People visiting their loved ones were sort of glaring at us. So we get the cans that fruit and potatoes and whatever come in to put the flowers in. Usually we cover the labels with tin foil. Today we forgot. So we go to the dad of my mom (her real dad) and he gets the fruit can. So we were literally CRACKING up and she said "hope you enjoy your fruit dad." But some odd things go on at that grave. For a while, my moms brother that was in jail was using it as a mail system. We went there on Memorial Day 2 years ago and there was a note that was staked in the ground with a flag. It said "Deb" on the outside so my mom was freaked out. It was from Duane, her brother that just got out of jail about 2 months before. So he wrote a letter about wanting to get together with the family, etc. So she writes back, and for about 3 months, they would periodically leave letters to eachother at the grave. So today she said enjoy the fruit. Then one of her step fathers is buried just across the street from that grave so she said "Were going to go see Ray now, good thing all my dads are buried so close together huh." So we busted up laughing and some woman a few graves down gave us the most disgusting look ever. So then after delivering some flowers to THAT dad of hers, we cram into the car once more and go to my dads dads grave. He got the potato can. Then I said "hey he gets funeral potatoes!" and we thought we were hilarious. On the way to his grave there is a person with the last name of 'Passey' so naturally we make jokes about how the man "Passey"-ed on and thought we were something special. So my dad said to his fathers grave "Lookin good dad, but were going to leave, were hungry." So we leave and laugh the whole way to the car. Then comes Jason's grave. Chris and Holly who didnt enjoy him very much and were mad at him for killing himself stayed in the car. I took flowers and was (as ALWAYS) the only one that went there. So we cleaned off the grave and put the flowers in the vase. Noting the entire time that his death date was May 26th and today is the 27th. So then my mom's 3rd dad came. We really didnt enjoy this man, not one of us... But the fact that he was related meant we had to go. So we were looking all over for the grave and Chris finally found it- and the natural thing to do is.. Dance. So there is Chris dancing on the grave of the biggest asshole in history. It was quite the sight to see.

Then we get our pizza and head home... We start complaining about church and all the people that go there. My complaint was the bishop, who is very self-rightous. My dad took all the people his age ("They can all go to hell" were exact words). My mom took all the old bitties in the ward... "They think they are so special going to the celestial kingdom." Then we all ironically agreed that they are all so judgemental. So our pizza is cooked (papa murphy, take and bake) and dad says "Well, better bless the food" So my mom rolls her eyes to herself which I saw and I started cracking up. I laugh at the wrong moments all the time. So then my mom starts cracking up. SOOOO then Chris, Holly, my mom and myself are in silent stitches with heavy breathing trying not laugh out loud. The whole time my dad is struggling through this prayer, but clearly laughing EVERY sentence. "Amen" comes along and we all agreed that it would serve us right to die of food poising since we were 'blessing' the food but making not being respectful at all. Then I said "well, Im not going to church tomorrow." (keeping in mind I havent been since Jeff left for the Navy in February.) And my dad says "Me either, its a weekend. Cant waste that with church." We all pointed out that church is always on a weekend so he says hes never going again. I know this will change, but it was hilarious anyway.

Sex with Davinci leads to babies on the 2nd

2006-05-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

Today I am all outta sync. It feels like a saturday and its really fucking me up. Anyway. I talked to Jeff a lot today, and I really enjoyed it. I think I figured out that I'm not IN LOVE with him. I love him with all my heart and dont want to see him get hurt. I know Melissa would hurt him. I know a lot of girls would. I told him the other day "There are a lot of chicks who will want a piece of you... Make sure you give pieces to ones that are worth it" Now believe it or not, he is a virgin and he wants to be one until he gets married. There is a girl that is not very pretty, but she is really easy and wants to sleep with him. I flat out asked him if he did sleep with her and he said no and he wont. I know he isnt a stupid guy and he will make good decisions, but I worry!!! Now I sent him some pictures last night... And one of the shots made me look like I was maybe in the middle of sleeping with somebody. He got VERY offended and he said "Who the hell are you fucking?" And so I said "Nobody, just a bad face shot" I mean all you could see was my mouth anyway. So he gets freaked out. And I said "I am not having anymore sex until I get married. Im a born again virgin." So he said "So your not going to sleep with me?" And I said "Jeffrey... Unless we get married, no- so probably never. Plus you dont want to sleep with me anyway." And he said "Says who?" So I basically told him that most people when they look at me dont exactly think 'wow, that chick looks hot enough to sleep with' So he tells me that not all men are like that and that I am one of the hottest girls he has ever met because I have a great personality and I am beautiful inside and out. That made me feel SO good. But long story short, I love him to death. Like in My Best Friends Wedding the tagline says "She fell in love with her best friend the day somebody else married him" Thats me. I get EXTREAMLY jealous of other girls when he is talking to them. I know I shouldnt be jealous because I am going to be his best friend no matter what bitch he marries. I already talked him out of many of his girlfriends and he loved me for it. So I guess Ill keep bein the best friend for now and see what happens. It seems like we are going to get married sooner or later, so I will just wait and see.

So I saw the Da Vinici Code and it was WONDERFUL. I cant put into words how much I loved that movie.

Holly STILL DIDNT HAVE THE BABY YET. We thought for sure the other day. She was in labor, and her nurse and my mom (who is a nurse) confirmed it, but then nothing happened. So we will just have to keep waiting. Seems like it will NEVER be here, but he is due on the 2nd so it has to be soon!!! YAY.

LIFE IS FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC

2006-05-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

So I decided today that I am just going to call Jeff and see what the hell is up. I mean we are best friends and it was getting rediculous. So I call him and hes like "Where the hell have you been?" And Im all "Jeffrey... I was worried about you, you dont answer my texts." So he says that he tried to send me about 30 of them and I never wrote back and he was getting mad at me. He said "I was actually going to call you today and yell at you." So long story short, and now we are all better and the texting works again... Dont know why it didnt a few days ago. But he told me he was worried about me and that he loved me. Life is wonderful and I am happy once again.

I "Found" a really beautiful man at Taco Time while thinking of Jeff

2006-05-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

So its a little difficult for me to deal with things between Jeff and I. I understand that we can probably only be "Just Friends" but that is what truely pains me inside. I think (or hope) that something happened to his phone, becuase he hasnt texted me or called me for a day and a half. With Jeff, that is a long time. So one time he dropped his phone (as he is very prone to accidents) and it didnt work until like a week later. So hopefully this has happened agian. I hate to think he is ignoring me, seeing as how I am just as important as his family to him. So on the found website, I found this. Now, the ending isnt EXACTLY what I would say, but it pretty much explains a lot.

Wow. When I read that, I was thinking, that is my situation. Except it seems like since they want to be friends and only friends, she wants no strings attached sex (which I think it said on the found website as well). If Jeff and I were to have something more than friends, it would be us getting married, not having sex just for the hell of it. We have done pretty much everything a couple does, and we have been there for eachother forever. Stephanie keeps saying it makes sense to marry your best friend. But the thing is, how do you propose the idea without fuckin up a good friendship? This is the delema I have been having.

So today, I was at Taco Time. Mind you I only have 11 bucks left until Friday. So I go there and one of my best friends, Skyler works there, as well as Jeff's sister's (Katie) boyfriend Kevin. So Kevin is ringin up my order and I said "I only have 11 bucks until friday, knock it down a bit." So he said "Congratulations, you are a senior citizen today" and gave me a 10% discount. Still wasnt cutting it for me as I have a few days until Friday and I hadnt eaten all day. So I said "Skyler said he is buying me dinner tonight" and we look back there, Skyler has his shirt pulled up and is rubbing his nipples and cracking up thinking he is the funniest person on earth (he does this while we are camping all the time). So he said "Fuck yeah I'll buy it" So I got a free meal. As I was sitting and eating, Skyler comes over and sits down and starts talking to me about Jeff. So then the shift manager (who is a REAL bitch) starts yelling at him telling him to get back to work. Mind you, there was not a soul in there besides me. Then Kevin comes over and sits with me and starts eating some of my cheese fries, sits in the booth and we start talking and it was good times. So the shift manager (we shall call her Renee (because that is her name)) screams at the top of her lungs "KEVIN, STOP TALKING TO THE CUSTOMERS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK TO WORK." Hahaha. So he is like "Im going to take my break right now, I always do when Sadie is here" (which, for the record, is a true statement). She said no, get to work now, take your break when she leaves. So Skyler comes over and is like "big deal, your going to quit tomorrow anyway, right?" Aparantely they were planning a big walk out and going to quit tomorrow... Like about 3 or 4 of them. So I said "Whatever" and kept eating (as I only get 30 minutes for a break). Not even a minute later Kevin is clocking out and he is like "See ya, Sadie. I just quit." So then Skyler comes over and is like "Did you really quit?" And Renee is back there screaming "Skyler, leave him alone, he is gone. Dont talk to him." Needless to say he keeps talking and she keeps screaming. So THEN Skyler is like "Fine. I quit too." He doenst say a WORD to Renee. He walks over and clocks out and says "Later bitches." And walks out. So that was quite the eventful night. No more free meals unless Holly buys them for me, and they are quite short staffed now. Hahaha. So that was good times, let me tell you. Then Renee comes over and is like "What happened to Skyler?" I said "I have no clue, he just left" as not to give away the secret this has been planned. They have to be complete dumb-asses to do that;

1) They didnt give 2 weeks notice (hardly gave 2 minute notice)

2) They are going to have a hard time getting another job after leaving like that

3) They had bad attitudes at that job, and if they put them on further applications, they will get shot down immediately.

So today I saw a truely beautiful man. He works at the hotel, and I email him all the time, but had NO clue he was. He works in the spa and his name is Tony Fountain. He is absolutely beautiful. I also saw the GM Mr. Fery today, and let me tell you... He is also a very good looking man.

Today I was very upset. I dont know why, but I think I am going into a state of depression and I hate myself for that. I dont believe in depression, I think people get depressed because they are sad. Which is more true in my case I guess. I dont know if I want to be mad, or sad or happy. I sort of want to be every emotion in the book while acting like I am fantastic to the world. Last night I cried on the way home from work. Then I went in my room and turned the TV on, but laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Before I knew it, the movie was over and I hadnt moved. I also didnt pick up on anything in the movie. I was busy thinking. This was all because I havent heard from Jeff. He sent me a picture of himself in his working whites, but then he didnt respond to any of the texts I sent him. I know he isnt mad at me, so I dont know if he is ignoring me or if something is wrong with his phone. I think he sent the picture the day before, when I was having the picture troubles because he got all mine the next day as well. So anyway... This morning I woke up about 5 am because thats when Jeff starts texting me (7 am his time, I think). I just shot out of bed, and checked the cell phone. Nothing was there, so I sat there and started thinking. That has the be the most dangerous thing EVER because you start thinking of ALL the possibilities (maybe he is mad, maybe his phone isnt working.. then how did he send me pictures... maybe he is sick of talking to me...) And this goes on and on and on. So I listened for my parents to go to work, because I didnt feel like seeing them and having to pretend I was happy to see human life. So then I went in on my eliptical and started working out. Now yesterday I only ate 2 hot dogs and some chips at 1:00 pm and then didnt have dinner, I was in the bathroom throwing up at work. So I was on the eliptical and I was PISSED off and SAD and MAD and when all those things stew inside of me I have to let emotions out. So I was on that thing for about an hour. Then I wasnt done, but I was tired so I got on my bike so I could sit down, but could still let it out. That was about an hour as well. So I got up and I was REALLY dizzy and light headed. So I went downstairs and took my vitamins, my medication (because I am pre-diabetic) and 4 Motron. I take 4 or 6 Motron every day because my doctor says it will help with whatever the hell I have. So I am supposed to take my medication and motron with food. I wasnt hungry so I had one triscuit and a glass of water. Then I got on the bike again. 20 minutes later I was SO sick I went in the bathroom and threw up. Didnt eat anything else all day until Taco Time, and that made me REALLY sick to my stomach and I threw that up as well. So good times with the emotions turning me into a bulemic (however you spell that) person who cant stop exercising.

So there you go. Run down of the day!!!

Found

2006-05-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Cant get him out of my HEAD. Arrr.

2006-05-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

So today I was a little freaked out. Jeff tried to send me a picture and it didnt work. Then I tried to send him one, and it didnt work. So I tried to have Steph send one to me, didnt work... Tried to have her send one to Jeff... Didnt work. So I got freaked out. Jeff and I would be COMPLETELY lost without pictures. I got on the phone to Cingular SO fast it wasnt even funny. So 3 people and an hour and a half later, IM BACK IN BUSINESS! So here is the the thing... I think I am in LOVE with Jeff, and I am starting to think he feels the same way about me. He called and bitched out his friend that was making fun of me, and he said (word for word) "Besides my family, you are most important to me." Then we were talking and all of a sudden he didnt write back.. and so I said "Are we no longer talking?" And about 3 hours later he texted back "sorry love, I had inspection." Now it made me SO happy when he called me love. I know that I am being all girly and like look at me about this... But am I crazy or does the man have a thing for me too? Then we were talking about marriage. I told him that Skyler said we should get married (which he did, I dont make random shit up). And he said "He's on crack." Which made me feel bad so I asked him about it and I said "Just so you know, I would say yes in a heartbeat" and he said "I would ask in a heartbeat, but its going to be a long time before I get serious with anybody." So I dont know how to read that exactly. Stephanie thinks that I should tell him how I feel... But I dont want him to be freaked out and then we would be distanced from eachother. I rather have him in my life as a best friend then out of my life because I told him I am in love with him. Does any of that make sense? I dont know... Sort of looking for some help. I want your honest opinions. And just for your sake I have left the parts out where he wants to come back and have "hot sex" with me... Which is flattering, but doesnt necessarily mean that he likes me, just that he is horney. Yeah. I know... Too much information. I shall stop now. Except, you know me... I have to post a song about the way I am feeling. This is exactly the situation I'm in at the moment. Here you go. Rascal Flatts; What Hurts the Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the mostIs being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Sadie and Melissa make up, Jeff is still a dirty man.

2006-05-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

So today... I was VERY upset still about what happened last night. Jeff and Melissa the whole thing. In all reality it was my fault but thats what was making me even more upset about the whole thing. So I made up my mind. If Melissa was working today, when I came in I was going to rip on her. If she wasnt working, I would text her and bitch her out there. So Stephanie said that she was here today but she had too many people, Garrett and Melissa were scheduled the same shift, so Julene sent Melissa home. Good thing too, because I think if I saw her things would have been a lot worse than if I had just texted her. So I text her and this is exactly, word-for-word what I said. "I know this is going to sound bitchy, and I take full responsibility for that, but how about not texting Jeff if your going to act like such a whore." And she writes back "Excuese me?" and so I said "You dont understand, Jeff and I tell eachother EVERYTHING. I know exactly what you have been doing." So then she calls me at work and Garrett is all "Sadie, I think its Melissa for you, whats your extension?" And I told him I dont want to talk to her so she got mad and hung up. Then she called Jeff and he texted me saying "She just called me" but he didnt answer, because he doesnt like her enough to talk to her. So she then calls my cell phone. I didnt mind talking to her, but I didnt want to do it on the work phone where the whole world can hear me calling her a whore. So I took my phone out in the hall and we talked there. Suprisingly, she wasnt pissed. If sombody that I hardly know called me a whore I would want to meed them in a dark alley. So I say "Helloooo" and she goes "Sadie, I am SO sorry. I honestly didnt mean to take it that far. He kept asking me for pictures and I took it too far. I am sorry. I am proud of you for sticking up for your friend, are we still cool with eachother?" And I honestly had to think about it for a minute. I have no problem being friends but it sort of made me stop and think 'whoa, is she serious?' So I was like "Yeah, were cool, no problem." So then she said "He didnt show you any of the pictures did he? I am so embarrased." So I said "No he didnt, in fact I begged him not to." So the ending of the story is; Jeff and Melissa are no longer speaking, and I am a happy camper about that.

Stephanie thinks that I need to tell Jeff how I feel about him. The thing is I know that will fuck up our friendship. We have been down since forever ago and I cant handle losing him over something so stupid. I think maybe when we both have had a little time to grow and mature about everything, then maybe. Until then I will stick with just being best friends. He always knows how to make me happy. I told him that the whole thing was making me uncomfortable abd he said "Bitch her out then, aside from my family you are the most important to me. Drop her skanky ass." So that cheered me up a lot. I love my Jeffo and I think maybe someday we can end up being more than just friends, but until then I dont want to screw anything up.

I am starting to exercise again and sort of diet. I cant go on a diet because I eat out SO MUCH that its not good for me, but I am just trying to make better choices. So I exercise my ass off (hopefully that will become literal soon) and maybe I can snag me a man. I shared my thoughts with Jeff about this and he said that I shouldnt exercise because when you lose weight you lose your boobs first. So I said I'm going to be fat forever and be like the old scary women with all the cats in the neighborhood. So he said "Ill be the old bastard sqirting water on all the neighborhood kids" So I said "We can live next to each other and terrorize the neighborhood" and he, being the charming gentleman he is said "Yeah, and have sex." So I guess I will die old and unmarried, but not without lack of sex. Good to know.

So I send him about 100 text messages a day while I am at work. That means my cell phone bill is going to be GIGANTIC and I am a little scared about it, but its for Jeff and I love him to DEATH. We talk all day long while I am at work and he is on guard. Its fun, and it makes me happy, so I dont care how much money it costs.

Green Day sums it up. For the Jeffo;

2006-05-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

I wish I could tell you
But the words would come out wrong
God, if you only knew
The way I've felt for so long
I know that we're worlds apart
But I just don't seem to care
These feelings in my heart
Only with you I want to share
The first time I caught a glimpse of you
Then all my thoughts were only of you
I hope that when time goes by
You will think the same about me
Many nights awake I lie
I only wish that you could see
I know that we're only friends
I hope this feeling never ends
If I could only hold you
It's the only thing I want to do.

Im in love, and I will kill for it.

2006-05-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

I am going to SHOOT Melissa. Mark my words if I ever wanted to go to jail for murder, she would be SO dead right now. She met my friend Jeff YESTERDAY. She said that she wants to go down there (to Florida) and have sex with him. Fuck off. I want to murder her. And he is all excited that an older woman wants to fuck him. So I had to have a serious talk with him. She is sending him pictures of every body part she has, and hasnt even met him yet. First of all, THAT SPELLS WHORE to me. He said that he knows she is a whore and that he wouldnt have sex with her because she isnt that hot and she isnt special. The thing that worries me is that if they keep talking to eachother maybe she will become speical. Now I know what your all thinking "who the fuck cares?" Right... Well, here is the thing that I have come to find out these last few days I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. There you go. Chew on that one. Im in love with my best friend, and he made me cry at work because is all going on at work. I took a 15 minute break just so I could go cry in the bathroom. Those are fun times. I will murder her. Im not even kidding. Im pissed off. But Jeff is saying now that "I would never hurt you, I just get carried away sometimes" and I know this is true, but its hard to know when he is in Florida, a billion miles away (or so it feels) and its through texing. I cant tell what he is really feeling and I HATE that.

Leonard Da Vinci. Genious

2006-05-08T21:53:00.000-07:00

I finshed The Da Vinci Code and it was SO WONDERFUL! I absolutely have to see the movie now. I loved the book. The end made me mad, which happens a lot in books and movies... But thats just because I am happy ending person. But I honestly read that book in 2 days. Couldnt put it down. I deprived myself of sleep and food while I was reading. I took lunch breaks to read, and I would stay up until 4 am reading. It was one of the most amazing books I have ever read. There are a lot of people that say it sacreligious, and that sort of bullshit. I think its wonderful. I know its fiction, but it really does make you think about things in a different way. There was a reason Da Vinci did some interesting things in his artwork, and you get to hear his logic. He was such a smart man. I know the book is fictional but it seems to me like that really could have happened. Not the part with Robert Langdon and Sophie Neavu... But with Mary Magdalin (or however you spell her name) and Jesus. Makes sense to me. WONDERFUL.

Beautiful Poem by Shawni

2006-05-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

The Scar

Looking down at it,
It doesnt make sense,
When all I wanted was a second chance.

Holding it close,
To my body it hides,
So nobody will ever know how I feel inside.

It will scar,
As my my reminder why,
I am laying here alone,
Fighting not to cry.

It is a symbol of truth,
A piece of me,
But it will hide away,
Never to be seen.

The "joy" in my step,
The "smile" on my face.
Will cover the truth,
That I am stumbling out of place.

I look at it with disgust,
How selfish can I be,
A filthy mess
This scar on me.

© Shawni Robinson

This was written by a 16 year old. She is one of my best friends and I think this sums a lot of people up. Think about it.

Im not a whore. Get off my case.

2006-05-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was a little pissed off about Julene and the whole raise thing. So I was going to write her an email about how I rather just get the 3 month raise while she is dragging her feet about getting me the job. I mean, I didnt think I had a chance at the job anyway, but I thought what the hell, go for it. Then I went to lunch with Matthew and I bitched about it more to him, and he said I really should bring it up to her. So I get back from lunch, and then Stephanie left for the day and Julene turned to me and said "I really want you to know that you are still very much in the running for the position, one of the front-runners at that and I did put in the raise request, but I didnt get it back from Anthony yet. Its usually me that is taking a long time about it, but I PROMISE I did turn it in." So then I was thinking, wow, she must be a mind reader. Either that or she can tell I am pissed about. However, I still think she is lying about me being one of the front-runners, seeing as how its STILL posted on the website and such. If she found somebody she wanted, she wouldnt be looking for somebody better. I dont care if I get it, I just want my raise, honestly.

So as I was at lunch yesterday and I got a text from Jeff, my friend in the navy. It said something about "send me pictures" So I wrote him back like what the hell are you talking about? So he says "of yourself, duh" and I write back and say "huh?" And this is what he says, word for word, being that casanova that he is "they better be naked or show some other body part other than ur face which is nice but 2 months is hell." So I say to him "way to make a girl feel special. Fuck off" so then HE sends me a picture of HIM. Im sitting here at work, minding my own business, and he starts sending pictures of himself. Good lord. So I told him I'm not a whore and I want his address so that I can write him. I had his old address.. but anyway. He says "not until I get my pictures." So I sent him a picture of me flipping him off and ended it. The bastard keeps bugging me. So I finally said fuck it. So I go home, take a picture of my boobs, send it to him and it finally shut him up. LET ME CLEAR THINGS UP. It was my cleavage... not like tits or anything, just so we all know. Plus, he has already felt them and he is my best friend, not some random guy. No thinking I am a whore please... Then I saw Skyler today, he is one of my other best friends and Jeffs friend as well. He goes "nice pictures, Sadie" Clearly he is sharing them with his friends. It doesnt bother me, because the shirt I was wearing, they have all seen me in anyway, not like its really news to them. All I can say is Im glad they arent completley nude. However, his friends will be getting some pictures of HIM in return, just because I am a bitch that likes to get even!!!

Liars can go to hell

2006-05-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Can I just say I work with a LIAR and I detest liars. Plus, my brother is a pathelogical liar. When the whole thing with Lori Hacking came out and they were telling us about the type of guy Mark Hacking was and how he lied... I told Holly to be careful because its just like my brother. And the thing is, he thinks we dont know he is lying. Does he think the world is fucking stupid? I mean just the other day our boss was like "I think we need to give Chris a lie detector test" She didnt say about what, but its just EVERYTHING, and I hate that. HATE. LIARS. The end.

Phat with an F-A.

2006-04-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

So we are making plans for Vegas tonight, and pretty much I have to say I'm effing exited! Johns brothers and his friend are going, and I dont know how much I will be enjoying that, but I guess I will deal with it. Here is another thing. I held one room with my debit card, and they already charged one night room and tax to it. I am not getting stuck paying all nights because the way we are splitting it up, the one night is all I need to pay. So if I get fucked up over this I will have to seriously kick some ass.

Speaking of kicking ass, I played Monopoly today with Stephanie and I KICKED HER ASS. We ran out of money in the bank because I had it all! We started paying the "go" money with 20s and 10s. Then she landed one one of my properties and she was done! I didnt count all the money I had, but out of 500's and 100's I had 12,300. Thats pretty good. Then I had a billion 50s, 20s, 10s and 5s to boot! Love. That. Game! Then we played again and she kicked my ass, but only with 6,000. This clearly shows I am better. Thats my ego kicking into gear there.

So Stephanie and I were having a conversation about being fat today. It was rather odd, that girl has some interesting views. We were talking about a girl that used to work with us and she was pretty large. So I was like "but I cant say much because I am just as fat as she is" and Stephanie starts in on this whole thing. She said "I dont think your fat. I just think of you as Sadie. People that I dont like are fat, but people I do like are just people. You're just Sadie." This makes no sense to me at all, but whatever floats her boat. Im fat, and I know it... Doesnt really bother me. I can probably out-run any skinny bitch anyday. I work out ALL the time. I eat fast food pretty much every single day. I do, however think even though I am fat I am in pretty good shape. I can run up stairs without running out of air, some skinny people cant say that. I wish I were skinnier, but its not going to happen overnight, so I have learned to deal with it.

Im Excited!!!

2006-04-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

So tonight as Stephanie and I were bored out of our minds, we were playing card games. I havent played card games in SO long. It was a lot of fun. We played Spit, Rummy, Speed, California, California Speed, Gin Rummy and I think something else, but I cant remember it all. Then we started talking about Monopoly. Now I dont know if you are aware of this but I am a Monopoly WHORE. I had no clue that Stephanie was, but she is and we were planning our Vegas trip, and we both said we want the Las Vegas Monopoly. So then we went to the Monopoly website and went to heaven. I found a Pirates of the Caribbean Monopoly. The thing about this game is... I made one of my own when the first movie came out. I called it Pirates of the Caribbeanopoly and it is the SHIT. I made my brother play it with me all the time, and it was SO cool. So I said to Stephanie "get it" and so I handed her my card and I got that shit ordered up. Then as I moved on a little bit down the page there was an Elvis Monopoly. I about had a fit. The words "get it" escaped once more and seconds later I had that one. THEN I saw a Pirates of the Caribbean medallion necklace. I honestly have to stop buying shit. I bought that too. Hopefully my finances will be in good shape because I had one nights room and tax from the Stratosphere, my 211 dollar phone bill, gas AND my fun stuff all taken out. I think its a record, I only got paid yesterday! Hahaha. Sad. PLUS I am trying to save up some money for Vegas. GOOD TIME ARE TO BE HAD. Sweetness.

So now John is bringing his other brother and his best friend along. Now I am outnumbered. I only know Stephanie. Oh well, one of the guys coming is REALLY hot and he is a sweetie I have heard. So John wasnt going to hang out with us because he thought we were going to be shopping the whole time, then he figured out we were going to do roller coasters pretty much the whole time and then he wanted to hang with us. NOW that his brother and friend are coming, they said they will probably be at strip clubs while we are at the Chippendales and having fun of our own. Who the hell knows what is going on. All I know is we are stopping at the St. George Taco Time on the way down and seeing my Ben from Taco Time. LOVE THAT KID so much :D

Anyway, I am WAY excited to get my shit in the mail. Problem about the Pirates game is that its only pre-ordered because it doesnt come out until June. Oh well, that is soon enough for me, and I already have it! Good times.

TOO MUCH ON MY MIND!!!!

2006-04-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

So every day I come in and somebody is sitting in my desk. For those that know me, this isnt a great idea. I am Obsessive Compulsive, and I have to have things "just so". I am also a clean freak and a germaphobe. When Melissa sits at my desk, she eats and gets crumbs everywhere. The reason I REALLY hate it is because I have to sit somewhere else for 30 minutes to an hour, and then move when they are off. So I decided the other day, lets be a problem solver, Sadie. So I told Julene (my manager) "I am sick of people at my desk, I am moving next door until you find a lead agent to sit here." She said okay after she got worried for a minute, so I moved yesterday. I CLEANED the desk top to bottom. There was dust, coke stains and a dead bug behind the moniter. Considering that we havent had the new computers very long, thats disgusting. So I cleaned it and "Sadie-ized" the place. Now its fantastic!

I am also very proud of myself, I only spend about 45 bucks on movies last night. I wanted to buy 3 other movies but they were 20 bucks each, so I will wait until pay day, which happens to be this friday! The movie count is now 165 movies, for those of you who care (which is probably none, since only one person reads my blog, and I know he doesnt care.) Just thought I would make it known.

So Stephanie and I are planning a trip to Vegas this June. It started because her fiance (John) is taking his brother (Garrett) to Vegas because its his 21st birthday on th 15th. So Stephanie is like "I want to go, but not by myself, Im taking Sadie" So we are driving in 2 seperate cars, staying in 2 seperate hotel rooms and doing completely seperate things. Stephanie and I are hitting the roller coasters, the Chippendales or the Thunder From Down Under (about the same price) and playing Vegas Monopoly in our room. They will be drinking and gambling... No fun! So then John is saying his other brother, Daniel might be coming and they may want to hang out with us after all since we wont be going shopping the whole time (John thought thats what girls in Vegas do, clearly) So that would make the people uneven, so I am trying to get another person to come along. Hopefully that will work out, or maybe Daniel wont go after all. So I requested my days off on Sunday, and Julene said "I've noted it" (she does this to every request, and it usually means yes, but I dont know for sure on this one.) And then Stephanie asked for it on Monday. To that she replied "these dates sound a little familair, I will see what I can do." So hopefully she will let us have the time off together... Who really knows.

So Rachel, you may remember her from previous postings about what an idiot she is. So to put the icing on the cake.... She no longer works here. She went on vacation, somewhere in Mexico I believe with her boyfriend for 10 days. So the day she comes back Julene says you need to go to room (whatever room it was) for a drug test. It was a room in the hotel. Most drug tests, they send you to the place about 3 blocks away and do it there. This was an actual hotel room. I think if Julene told her a drug test was coming and it was 3 blocks away, she would just leave and not come back. So she takes it, and then the next day she goes to call in sick. She talks to Chaz and says (according to Chaz) "I cant come in today, I think I failed my drug test, and I dont want to be there." So he tells her that is fine, but she has to call Julene and tell her why. Its Julene's day off, and there isnt anybody to cover. So today Julene told me that she asked her, as a personal favor to come in and work friday. So not only did she work friday, but she worked saturday, sunday and monday as well. So Julene today says "Rachel is no longer with us, she has been having some personal troubles, and I know there are rumors flying around about her, but I just want to let you know I really admire her coming in for as a personal favor to me, and maybe some day she can come back and work with us, depending on how she changes her actions." Okay, so if there werent rumors, there will be now due to that speech... Plus, why the hell would you bring somebody back that you know was one time on drugs? COME ON! So Rachel is gone, and we are once more short-staffed.

We also have a new person here. His name is Garrett and he is a VERY nice person. He sat next to me yesterday, and we were talking about movies, so life was good. Then today I was talking to Stephanie, who now sits next to me due to the desk change, and we were talking about... well, movies, and he is sitting in the COMPLETE opposite corner of me and he was like "what movies did you get?" And so we were talking again. Here is the thing. I thought he was a goody-goody mormon, married guy. So he is mormon... But EVERY movie we talked about was rated R, and he knew the movies beginning to end, better than I on some of them. THEN he was talking about Brokeback Mountain with Melissa and I. Most mormons whenever you mention that movie FREAK out. He brought it up, and was knowledgeable about the film. So first of all I respect the fact that he is comfortable enough being a Mormon (like myself) that isnt 100% Mormon (also like myself). Especially coming from the family he has. They are all VERY Mormon. Now its not a real shocker that I am this way (a corrupted mormon) because my family really isnt a Mormon family. My mom had a kid with a guy she didnt marry (she wanted to, she planned it and said "I want a kid with you, but I dont want to marry you" he said okay, and I have a half-brother now.) She then went on to marry a guy who owned this bar/entertainment thing called the "organ loft" where my dad played the organ. My mom was the waitress there, married to the owner. One night my dad was on a break and my mom approched him and basically forced herself on him, and now they are happily married. They werent married in the Temple until 1999. I wasnt mormon until that same year. My uncle (more like half-uncle I guess.. (moms half brother)) was (dont know if he still is) a memeber of the Sundowner's gang, and he and 2 of his gang-member friends beat the shit out of a guy for some drug money, beat him until he died and they got sent to prision. He was recently let out on good behavior, and showed up to suprise my mom on her 40th birthday. Then my half brother, Dan isnt mormon... owns more porn than a movie store, and his wife, a teacher lived together before they were married and hate Mormons. My other brother, Chris and his wife were married in the mountains, not in the temple because they are MOST definately not worthy to go to the temple. Then there is me. I have the feeling if I walk within 5 miles of any church God will aim some lightning at me or something. I am sort of the "whore" of the ward, which is fine with me... I dont care about any of them, they just need to get off their high-horses and leave the me the hell alone. So there is a run-down of my lovely family tree.

So I think there is obviously a LOT on my mind and I should probably stop writing so much... OOOH... But I LOVE this saying

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Makes you realize that you should always be having good times no matter what!!!

Hostel... Not so great after all.

2006-04-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

So I havent written in a while and you people probably think I have found something better to do. Well stop. I actually have found less to do, and therefore have less to write about. On that note;

I went shopping with Matthew the other day, and it was good times. We went to the Apple store, and I think I will end up spending a LOT of money there sometime, they had a SWEET notebook that I really want when I get the money. Then we went to Target and I found out how truely odd Target is. They have many things they are required to do and say... Many of them didnt do it. They are supposed to ask if they can help you with anything. In all my life shopping at Target not one person has ever asked me that, but when we were there somebody did. They also have these things that are sort of like high-fives at the hotel. You do a good job, you get rewarded. Just like training a dog. You dont do it, you wont get it. Also like training a dog.

So then I helped my brother paint his babies room. The walls are yellow and the ceiling is navy blue. One may ask themselves why? We do this thing in our family. We go the contractors section of Home Depot, and there they have the paint that wasnt mixed exactly to the customers liking and you can get a gallon of paint for about 4 bucks. So we went there and looked, and they had yellow. Its a cool yellow, a bit bright... And it sort of looks like mustard exploded on the walls, but it actually looks really good. Then they are going to put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, and it will look neat with the blue background. Well, to me it looks neat, but I have an odd sense of style.

So I watched Hostel. Dont know if you have seen the movie or not... And if not, you may not want to read this, because I tend to give out the secrets of the movie to everybody I come in contact with. Basically these 3 guys want to get laid. So being retarded college-age men, they hear of this place where the women are really easy and will only fuck american men. So they think 'good times' and they head out. They meet this guy on the train, seems sort of odd, and he offends one of the 3 dudes, and he freaks out and yells at him. So they get there and check in and are delighted to see the rumors are true, there are indeed sluts living in the hostel. Not too long passes and one of the friends disappears. Next shot you see his head in a birdcage thing and the guy with hedge trimmers walking around. Then a few more minutes passes and the other guy goes missing. He wakes up, and he is handcuffed to a chair, and somebody goes to this table of torture devices and odd tools and picks up the power drill. He goes and drills a hole in the guys leg. The guy is begging to be let go, so the ass takes a scalpul (cant spell) and cuts the back of his ankles, unlocks the handcuffs and tells him to go. So he goes to stand up and his ankles snap and he falls to the floor, he starts crawling, but the guy once again grabs him. This happens to be the same guy from the train that offended the guy he is now killing. So his friend is pretty pissed off back in the hostel all by himself, wondering what the hell is going on. So he goes to his fuck buddy and asks where he is. She starts laughing, and takes him there. He gets dragged through the place and sees all kinds of disturbing things going on. People in rooms torturing and killing other people. Then he sees in one of the rooms, his friend is being 'operated' on, and the guy is doing open-heart surgery on him and killing him. So this guy gets tied up and the somebody goes after him with a chainsaw, but something went wrong and ended up injuring himself, while the dude gets away. He meets up in the bathroom (while trying to escape) with a person that has paid for this. Basically they go to this place, pay boatloads of money to torture and kill people just because they want to know what its like to kill, and most of them prefer to kill Americans. So the guy gets away and escapes, and he sees the guy that killed his friend on the train back in the United States. He follows him into the bathroom, takes out a knife and chops 2 or 3 fingers off, dips his head in the toilet, slices his throat and then leaves his head in the toilet, water and blood everywhere.

This movie sounded really disturbing, which is why I wanted to watch it. I have never had a movie where I was truely freaked out and was having a hard time going to bed. Most "scary" movies crack me up, they are laughable. So this one I thought was going to genuinely creep me out. I was wrong. I first tried to watch it the other day. I fell asleep. It was that boring in the beginning. It concentrates more on the backpackers trying to get laid, and is a bit soft-core porn for the first 40 minutes or so. Dont get me wrong, who doesnt like sex right? Well, you get really sick of it after this. If I wanted to see boobs that much I would just look at my own. Dont have to pay 14 bucks for that. Then they finally get to the blood, and there isnt very much of it, sadly. Now I know I sound disturbing to most people out there, but I appreciate a good disgusting blood and guts show. I like them. This didnt deliver. The most disgusting part was the guy was burning the ladies eye with a lazer, I think it was, or he was doing something odd with her eye, was a little hard to tell. So the "survivor" guy that escapes goes and kills the guy doing it and her eye is like hanging there still in her socket. So he takes scissors and cuts the damn thing. Then this squishy stuff goes running down her face. That was awesome. Best part of the movie! The movie was a little dark in some of the best parts and you couldnt really tell what was going on. I mean, it was a good movie, its an hour and a half long, and so only about 20 minutes of it was the bloody part. If you are looking for a REALLY bloody movie, this really isnt it. There were some reports that people were leaving the movie theater and throwing up, and that it would disturb you for the rest of your life. I vote no on that one, it didnt disturb me for the hour and a half I was watching it, let alone my life. It is creepy to think people would want to know what it is like to kill people enough to go and actually do it. That was the weirdest thing. It sort of leaves you wondering if there are places where this type of thing goes on. I was also left wanting more at the end. You expect a twist of some sort. The guys that you thought were bad, were still bad, same for the good guys. The people you thought were dead, were indeed dead, and you know that way too early. It is worth seeing at least once, but I dont think I really have any desire to watch it again. What I want to know is why Quentin Terentino would want to be the poster name for this movie. He is genius, and this movie was below par for his name to be attached to it.

Broke as a fuckin joke

2006-04-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

So Jeff, one of the best friends a person can ask for is graduating from the Navy on Friday the 21st. I would LOVE more than anything to go. Problem=price of ticket. To fly from the Salt Lake Int'l Airport to the O'hare Int'l Airport, its about 700 bucks. Heres the thing that REALLY gets my blood boiling, the other day, I think it was friday maybe... I was looking online at tickets... SAME WEBSITE, mind you... and it was about 400. So here I was, thinking I needed to save up some 400 or some odd bucks. Turns out... I need about 300 more than that. I think they are getting away with murder here. Sad thing is, I will probably end up going. My friend Skyler, though he is broke as well has offered to give me some money, dont know how much... but some is a lot more than none. So all I can do is be forever in his debt and love the kid to death. Now... Some of you may be asking yourself "why?" I have actually posed the question to myself a few times... As I think about the debt. Reason is because I might love this kid. I dont even know why. We go WAY back. He actually asked me to marry him. I said yes. Heres where it gets complicated. He isnt very mature and he could be doing it just joking around. I mean we obviously love eachother, we tell eachother every chance we get, we are close in a brothers and sister having sex sort of way... As sick and twisted as that sounds, thats how we are. We are such good friends we are like brother and sister. However, we often dip our hands into the cookie jar if you know what I mean. So more complicated things... Dont rightly know if he is serious about the wedding thing, and thats why I never told anybody. I mean its not I have a ring or anything. So he may not be serious.... And thats fine with me. WAY more than fine. However, you never know. I think taking this trip would be great for whatever we may have, and if we have nothing "like that" it will be good for our friendship, you know? I want to see the look on his face when I show up. His mom, his sister and I would be going. They have 3 tickets to go to it, and his dad isnt going, he wants me to go. I just need more money, and quite frankly, I am a little scared to fly by myself. I get lost easily and I just dont know if going would be a great idea or not. If you have any imput whatsover, please let me know. Good idea, bad idea... Which is it?

Nobody says it better than Tupac

2006-04-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

Brokeback Mountain Review

2006-04-09T22:58:00.000-07:00

I LOVED this movie. It is way better the second time though. I dont know if it was because of the mood I was in the first time I watched it or not. But I enjoyed this movie so much. I did, however have a few problems with it.

First item. The script needed some SERIOUS help. I was just too bored. It could have been the ADD setting in, but when they were up on that mountain, I just wanted them to say SOMETHING, anything. The scenery was beautiful, but you need some conversation going on.

Next item. When Heath Ledger says "I'm not queer" I shuddered. I HATE that word, and I dont know why they would use it in a movie that is to me, showing the world that it can be acceptable to be different. Going to my friend Dictionary.com we find the following results;

queer ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kwîr)adj. queer·er, queer·est

1.Deviating from the expected or normal; strange: a queer situation.
2.Odd or unconventional, as in behavior; eccentric. See Synonyms at strange.
3.Of a questionable nature or character; suspicious.
4.Slang. Fake; counterfeit.
5.Feeling slightly ill; queasy.

Then we get these;

6.Offensive Slang. Homosexual.
7.Usage Problem. Of or relating to lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, or transgendered people.

This is like saying "That is so gay" when you are refering to something stupid, or boring, or odd. That is like calling a homosexual stupid, boring or odd. While some of them are, I am sure... Dont impune a whole people.

So the fact that they are saying it in the movie "Im not queer" right after he just had sex with Jake Gillenhaal's character, is a little hard to swallow.

Next item. Heath Ledger was a jack-ass to Jake Gillenhaal the entire time. He loved the guy so much, but he hated him for making him realize what he was, and what he was afraid to realize. It honestly reminded me of something that pisses me off. Just because you are afraid of who you are, doesnt mean you have to punish those who know what they are. This goes a lot deeper for me, but you dont need details.

Next item. Jake's character dies. We know it happens, and it makes some of us mad, myself included. HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however. Do you think that Heath's character would have been able to be who he was at the end of the movie without that? Its a shame that it had to happen for him to realize where his heart truely lies, but thats how it happened. Now, it doenst SAY how he was killed. They show about a 3 second clip of it. The wife was either lying or didnt know the truth when she was talking, but while she is talking, you figure out what really happened. Its a shame that people would want to do that to one another, but its not like they are targeting gay people. There are pleanty of movies and stories where people get murdered for who they are and what they believe. Its what happens, and we cant be in denial about it.

This movie is SO wonderful though. It made me look at my life and see how I love people when the come into my life. They all come in for a reason, and you need to figure out what that reason is before its too late. I HATE the fact that this has been dubbed the "Gay Cowboy Movie" Because its just about two people that came into eachothers lives for a good reason, fell in love and it changed their lives dramatically forever. This movie is WONDERFUL. You need to see it.

Now, my mom refuses to watch it. I think she is homophobic, and wont admit it. I call her out on it all the time. However, I know the real reason she wont. She was married to somebody that a lot of people thought might be gay. Now, she doenst give out the whole story, and never ever will. But I think he is gay, and he married her sort of to hide himself behind it. I mean, if he were gay, you would never know it. However, I do think he is, and he is afraid to admit it. I know this is what my mom thinks, and thats why she wont watch the movie. I think that she may be a little homophobic, but not like most homophobes. She just had a bad experiance once. I used to have a lot of gay friends, and now really only have one, but she always got along with them, and never seemed to care. I think its because she isnt married to them!

Speaking of.....

2006-04-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

So it has been forever, and for good reason. I have nothing to say.

I saw Matthew at his job... wont tell you what he was doing, for fear I would lose my life. But I then proceded to buy about 123 bucks worth of stuff there, and by the time I was ready to buy it, he was nowhere to be seen. Oh well, better luck next time, I guess.

I still havent heard about my job. I rather know that I didnt get it, than sit here wondering. I had to cross-train somebody at the front desk, and I do all the comissions, so I should be getting paid for it. But I dont mind. Im usually sitting here on my ass. So I figured out the math today, that I took 2 hours worth of calls so far, and I only have a half an hour left. That means I end up sitting on my ass doing nothing for about 6 hours a day. Wow. Good times making comission for nothing.

Speaking of comission, people need to learn how to personalize benefits around here. I got mine scored, and I got all the points. Why is it so hard for them? I was once told by Matthew that I would have a fall from glory. So I did, it was the first shop after they changed the format. Now I am back, and what the hell... People that have been here forever cant get it right. My manager missed one for Christs sake.

Speaking of Christ. It was general conference... and I honestly hate that time of year. I love it because I dont have to go to church. I hate it because it takes the whole weekend. I was watching movies and cleaning, but you go downstairs to say something to the parents and you get the SSSHHHHH. I hate the shhh. Be civil enough to ask me to be quiet. When have we limited ourselves to making noises that sound like a gas leak? Honestly here people.

Speaking of honesty, my brother makes me mad. I love him, dont get me wrong. But the kid really needs to stop lying. That is as much as I will say on the matter, except for the fact that he screws my family over.

Speaking of family.... I have to loan my parents money so they can pay their taxes. I feel bad for them. They do wonderful things for my family and they keep getting their asses handed to them. So I have to hold off on buying my car now.

Speaking of cars, the car I want is so expensive. I may as well forget about not getting a loan... just suck it up and get one. I will end up getting a loan, and paying for the car the rest of my life. But I fell in love with that car the minute I saw it. There is no reason not to get it. I need a new one anyway, so may as well do it right, right?

Speaking of doing things right, I cashed in my high fives at the hotel (basically bribes to do a good job at work) and got my parents an Executive Suite at the Grand America for their anniversary. I figured its the least I can do. I love them. My brother chipped in with me so that we can give them dining credit and stuff, but it was my idea, and he takes the gift certificates... writes his name AND his wifes name on it and gives it to them. Where the hell is my credit? The whole idea was mine. But my parents knew it was from me. I am the big gift giver of the family. Chris usually doesnt even spring for a card. I have a good gift past. I love to spend money, but am also generous, so I spend money on other people! Like for their anniversary one time I won them tickets to a Billy Joel concert. Last Christmas I got my mom Rolling Stones tickets, and a sweatshirt to wear to the concert. Then I got my dad a dishwasher. He wanted one of those for a LONG time. I really do have a good gift giving record.

Speaking of records, I got the Green Day American Idiot cd, and I listened to it over and over the other day. They have to be one of the greatest bands of all time. I love them. Plus, the man is hot, and he has a hot voice.

Speaking of voice.... Im running out of one.

FUKETY-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK

2006-03-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

So yeah... Here I go ranting again (hey, its what I do best).

Okay, the new chick in reservations is nice and we get along just fine, or should I say we GOT along just fine... She was on the phone for a fuckin hour and a half today. The man called in to make a reservation. She made the reservation (this is usually the cue to get off the fuckin phone) so she starts talking to him. Then she KEEPS talking to him. She clocked out about an hour after she was supposed to. We cant be paying overtime for shit like that. So I ratted her out. She is going to know its me, and she will probably tell Julene I go on MySpace while I am at work. But honestly, when it comes down to it... we are paying her overtime to be on the phone talking about taking the day off that he is coming in so that she can go drink with him and his partner (he was gay), and then... get this... THEN I hear her fuckin say "oh sure, why not?" So then she says "hi! I am glad to meet you" she was now talking to the partner. I said to her "you need to clock out"; "you need to get off the phone"; "you cant do this"; "your going to get in trouble" I said ANYTHING that popped into my head. She didnt care. Nothing phased her. Then the other night she told me that if she didnt get the transfer (she worked in the garden cafe before this) that her manager would of fired her because she had too many points against her for not showing up and being late all the time. Fantastic. Thats EXACTLY who I want determining my comission. Fuck that shit. She needs to be fired. Thats not right. PLUS... her boyfriend works in room service, and he keeps calling, effecting our comission once more. Then she will take multiple breaks for 20 minutes each. She didnt take a lunch the other day because she wanted to leave early, so what did she do? She took 4 breaks that were about 25 minutes each. Well, we get 30 minutes for lunch, and then 2 fifteen minute breaks after that. Honestly, she needs to be hit in the face with a fuckin brick. I am SO pissed right now you dont even know. If I become the night lead agent, this shit is going to change. She doesnt care what I have to say now, she doesnt listen. But she will. SHES A FUCKIN BEAST AND NEEDS TO BE SLAUGHTERED. Fuck. Im sort of pissed off right now.

Wow.

2006-03-22T00:09:00.000-07:00

For sure, yes sir I am BORED. Sadly I must report I have NOTHING to write. As usual.

The BOLD and the Beautiful!

2006-03-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

So last night Julene had me train the new girl on a few things and how to do them, then tonight I did comissions. So I am thinking that maybe she either getting me prepared for my wonderful new job, or she is just giving me projects that she doesnt want to do. Either way, I dont care. I have more things to do so that I am not bored, and I am grateful for that.

Next item will be the whole thing with Jeff, Rachael and Heather. So I am REALLY good at controlling people. This can be good or bad, I like to use it for my personal benefit. So I like Heather just fine. If she want to go out with Jeff, be my guest... But tell your fuckface friends to stop being bitches to me. So I had a lot notes today, and I will share them with all of you. These are actually directly off MySpace and they have my responses and everything. I am really good at bullshit. Love it. Here we go.

This is rachael, to jeff and then to me

hey there so i know that you are out in traning and all that, but i thought i would writ anyways. so i just need to get somethink off my chest. im kind of upset about what happended at your party. im upset cuz its like you let sadie get all over you and it was right in front of heather. i dont know if you know but im pretty sure that that hurt her feelings. so i think that you need to really think about you and her. if you think that it could work then give it a shot but if you have douts you need to talk to her cuz i dont want to see her hurt. and if you do decided to hit it with her heres a tip. girls dont like to see their man being hit on by another girl and him not doing anything about it. well let me know you thoughts. big hugs

Yeah... You may want to watch out with what you say on here. You dont know who has whose passwords. So just fuck off bitch.

what is that? so is this jeff or is it sadie? well i think that it is sadie cuz i dont think jeff can get onto this until after bootcamp which means that who ever it is jeff or sadie is to chicken shit to say who it is, and their afride. and besides that jeff would laugh about those comments. and really message me back about the what i wrote him. so if this is sadie stop using jeffs sight to defend yourself. and fuck off. oh and jeff heather says she loves and misses you tonz. and i love you too.

You need to stay out of jeffs life. you have no right getting on and reading his stuff. that stuff was ment for jeff and im pretty sure that jeff would not approve of you getting on and deleting his stuff. so you go back and do you thing and well all do our thing. and we will all leave jeff out this

Yeah, here is the thing. Jeff gave me his password before he left and he told me I am free to do whatever I want with it. I could care less if Heather wants to go out with him. I like Heather. If he wants to go out with her, I say more power to him because shes a good girl. I just dont appreciate your fuckin friend making such bitchy comments about me. I dont care if she doesnt like me. If Jeff wanted to talk to Heather that day, he could of. Maybe she should of stepped up and said somthing instead of stomping out of there and making Jeff feel bad. Jeff doenst read people well, if she wanted him to know something, she should of told him. I think he likes her and I dont want her to feel bad because I like her and I love jeff and I want what is best with him. As for the comments about me wanting to have sex with him, I vote no. I dont like jeff like that AT ALL. We just joke around like that. And I am not going to leave him alone because he is my BEST friend. I love him more than anything and I want him to be happy. If Heather will make him happy, then I say whats keeping them apart? I didnt delete any of her comments, just yours and heidi's. So you can think what you want, you have no fuckin idea whats really going on.

k im sorry that we wrote those comments. its just that heather feels like she in a compition with you and she doesnt want to get hurt. ther day jeff left heather felt like he wasnt even paying attention to her and it hurt her. shes a shy girl and is not one to jump up and be all over jeff in front of people. im glad to hear that you approve of him and heather now that i know how you feel ill make sure we stop making those comments. and ill let heather know that you think of him as just a friend. i dont think that jeff knows how to read girls either. so maybe we can work together and help him with that.

And then here is Heather, the poor thing!! lol

Hey you whats up? sorry about what has been going on. but i have just one question for you. You told my friend Rachel that you never deleted any of my comments, but that is not ture you deleted one, then i put it back on, and it was gone agian the next day. so I had to put it back on agian, why did you do that I have nothing agianst you. and just so that you know, I love Jeff and would love to marrie him, but I am scared to get hurt, and I know that he is to. so mabe you could help me out, to show him that I wont hurt him. Thanx

So yeah, too bad for her. I just want to set the record straight, I didnt delete ANY of Heathers comments, I dont care what they say. I do know of another person who has his password though, so I changed it! Im a bitch, and I like it. I was trying to be as nice as possible to them, and still get my way!!!

On another note...

2006-03-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

I am over Hinckley now. I saw him today, and he did nothing for me like he used to. I used to be SO in love with this kid it wasnt even funny. Now, I got nothing. So I just need to find a nice guy that I am in love with! I will not have very much fun with that, I guarantee it, but I guess thats what I have to do. However, I will say I am now his number 3 on MySpace. Haha!!

Whole lotta nothing running through my head.

2006-03-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

So I had a meeting with Julene today about the new position. I was sucking up... Aka; Taking tips from Matthew. Lol. Yeah, so she just asked me why I wanted the position, and how I would leave my mark. I told her a lot of good stuff too. We actually talked about Matthew more than I, but that worked for me!!! Sort of took the pressure off. She has another applicant, and so I dont know. I really dont think I will get it because I am younger than all the people that work here, and I need more experiance, but I thought what the hell is there to lose? So I tried it. It was good times.

I didnt go up to Matthews room last night, and I feel bad, but I figured I had already seen him, we was probably so drunk he wouldnt of known I was there anyway, and I didnt want to drink and then drive home in the snow, wake up and have a hangover at church the next day. So I pretty much voted no on all of that. That was one of the longest run-on sentences ever I think, but oh well.

Soooo.... I think that is about all I have to say for today. I want to buy my car so badly, and I want it RIGHT NOW damnit. So yeah. Im done.

I am a bitch, and you need to live with it

2006-03-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

So remember a long time ago writing about my best friend Jeff and the party he had and the bitch that was there? So Jeff gave me his password to his MySpace account before he left, and I went on there today. Clearly some people need to grow up and face facts. So here, this is a message that I copied and pasted in here that one of his little friends wrote. Its hilarious;

hey there so i know that you are out in traning and all that, but i thought i would writ anyways. so i just need to get somethink off my chest. im kind of upset about what happended at your party. im upset cuz its like you let sadie get all over you and it was right in front of heather. i dont know if you know but im pretty sure that that hurt her feelings. so i think that you need to really think about you and her. if you think that it could work then give it a shot but if you have douts you need to talk to her cuz i dont want to see her hurt. and if you do decided to hit it with her heres a tip. girls dont like to see their man being hit on by another girl and him not doing anything about it. well let me know you thoughts. big hugs

Okay then. I have just a few comments about that one. First of all, I dont hit on him. He is my best friend and I have no interest in him what-so-ever. So I wrote her back and very plainly stated that she better be careful with what she says because you never know who has whose password. Then this other chick, I already deleted it but it said something like "why are you making friends with fat chicks? Thats fine and everything if you dig that, but to be best friends with her? She ruins peoples lives. She takes peoples hearts out and stomps on them" shit like that. I have never met this bitch, but oh I would love to, let me tell you. I would kick her ass. Knock her out, mess her up. So what is it these people need in their heads? If somebody were talking about your best friend like that what would you do? Let it slide? If he were here he would tell them to fuck off. Guarantee it. He loves me. We understand eachother and have each others backs. So I deleted these people from his friends list, and wrote them comments. I mean if they want somebody to ruin a persons life, they have never met me. I can kill their life. I was best friends with this bitch who was after my boyfriend, so I made copies of her diary where she wrote about how much she loved him, and put copies in peoples lockers! I can tear your life into little pieces if needs be. Im a nice person, but you dont want to go and piss me off!

Lots on my mind

2006-03-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

So I got the information about the job, and Julene was excited I was thinking about the position. So now I just need some balls to actually do it.

Then last night I was talking to Stephanie while she was at work and aparantely there is a leak in the system. Somebody on my MySpace ratted me out for what I said about this girl I work with. I was speaking my mind and you cant kill me for that. Not one person I know can stand this bitch, and yet when I say something, all of a sudden its a sin. They are all hypocrites. There is another girl at work and people make fun of her while she is sitting right there. They think she is slow, and they call her tator tot fingers because she is disgusting. But then I make a few jokes about Amphay being my pet peeve and all of a sudden they are ready to hang me. Who gives a shit anyway? I am just worried if my boss finds out, she will see that I go on MySpace during work and I could maybe get fired, or at least hurt my chances of getting the promotion. Oh well, we will just have to see what happens.

I am going to see Matthew today, for it is his last day officially with the hotel. It was the last day working with him on Monday for me, but today is IT.

So I found the car I want. Its a Mustang GT. There were a few of them at the lot, and they arent new ones, but they are SOOOOO nice. There is a light purple one for 29,000. A light blue one for 28,000. A yellow one for 23,000 and a bright blue one for 21,000. Those prices are the total msrp prices. The original prices for just the car are all about 8,000 less than the final price, and you can usually talk them down to close to the original price. Now I just need to haggle my way into a beautiful new car. I just have no money. So after I save, its all mine. Thats the only car for me. I either need a tall truck or a fast short car.

I am so tired today. I couldnt sleep last night, and ended up getting to bed around 5 am. That wasnt fun, especially because I woke up early. Not fun, but its a beautiful day, and its my day off!!! Sweet.

Taking the plunge.

2006-03-15T23:09:00.000-07:00

So I emailed my manager and asked for some more information about the position and I guess I will apply. I have nothing to lose, and I could so do that job. Plus, if I got it, I would be above my brother! Hahaha. Im a bitch. So I guess I will try for it and if I dont get nothing will be lost! So then this stupid girl I work with is all "Sadie are you going to try out for the job?" and I said "I dont know, maybe." And she starts talking about how she might apply. Yeah, I would honestly like to see her get it. I know that is mean of me, but I vote no on all of that. Stephanie said she wants me to try out for it and if I dont it would be an opportunity lost because she said I will be good at it. So I dont know. I will do and we will see what happens I guess.

Im thinking about it...

2006-03-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

So I am thinking of taking Matthew's job. I dont really think I would be that good at it though, and that is whats holding me back. There are a lot of perks though. I would make more money, I wouldnt have to take as many calls, and I would have the power! Lol. Here is what I am thinking. Nobody else within the department is trying out for it, my brother turned it down, so that leaves somebody outside the department. They will have to train them more than me. I already know the reservations stuff, and they just need to teach me how to do the "manager" shit. Plus, I already know how to do some of it. Matthew had me help him a few times with comissions and stuff, so I know how to do basic stuff already. The problem is I know I have to have an interview with Anthony and I think Steve and I SUCK ASS in interviews. Really, I am not good at all. I just get too nervous and I cant think of what I am going to say and I blow them. I think I may just talk to my manager about it and get some more information. But I guess I can try and I wouldnt be out anything. If they dont want me, I will be in the same place making the same amount of money. But if they do want me, I will be better off. I dont know though... I am very indecisive, and thats what I hate about myself. DAMN.

2006-03-14T00:22:00.000-07:00

So its Jason Fisher's birthday, lets wish him a good one, and may he rest in peace :D

You cant take the money with you when you die!

2006-03-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

Matthew just left, and today was the last day I will work with him. Thats so sad. I could talk to him FOREVER about ANYTHING. I really feel fine sharing anything with him. I dont feel the need to impress him, or be anybody but myself around him, and I love that! So he said he would go on the Amazing Race and I am going to hold him to it (thats right, bitch). Lol. I have to be 21 to be on the show, so it will give him pleanty of time to get some vacation time from Target, and me some time to exercise! Hahaha. So I have big plans to get rich quick. Thats the best way to do it. I LOVE to spend money. More than any normal person ever should, but its how I live. I just got my avon in today and I spent about 150 bucks on that. To a normal person this may sound like a lot. The way I look at it is "you cant take it with you when you die". And I hold myself to it!

I may be a bitch. Thats who I am.

2006-03-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

So I had the Stat Counter on my blog so I can see who and when people view my blog. It was cool and I thought "wow, how neat is it that I can see people from all around the world looking at my blog". Then I figured out that it wasnt working. It showed somebody from the USA looking at on March 14th. Guess what? Its only the 13 today, and that was yesterday. There is a little problem with that. So then I got rid of it, and replaced it with a new one. Then as I was going to bed last night I started thinking. Dangerous passtime, I know, but regardless.... I was thinking, "What good is it going to do me?" I really dont care if some person from Malasya is reading my blog everday. I dont care if Matthew's ex boyfriend looks at my blog. Knowing these things isnt going to effect what I write, so whats the point? So I got rid of it.

***Matthew made me censor***

You knew it was coming...

2006-03-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

One more day working with Matthew :(

Countdown has begun

2006-03-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

So I only have 2 more times working with Matthew :(

Post Happy

2006-03-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

I know I said I was going to stop with the song lyrics. But this song reminds me of a comment Matthew wrote about "the game" that we play, so called dating. Here is the song. Im post happy tonight, I know...

"Cry"
Cry your eyes
Seen this face a thousand times
Falling from my fantasy
Slip inside
The world to be
A victim of your sympathy
Seem to know
How to push the fire
That burns the box we live in
Is it a shame
The game persists like this
The game consists of this
Cry your eyes
Seen this face a million times
Falling from my fantasy
Oh, Slipped inside
Your world to be
A victim of your sympathy
Mmm, you seem to know
How to push the fire
Oh, that burns the box we live in
Circle me with indecision
Cover with pristine precision
Add to, add to your shame
Falling
Falling out
Of love...with you babe
Falling
Falling out
Of love...with you!
Oh, come inside
Oh, open up your eyes
Baby I know the deal
Oh, are you for real
Mmm, Cry your eyes
I've seen this face a million times, a million times
Falling from my fantasy
Slip outside
Your world with me
A victim of your sympathy
Oh, you seem to know
How to push...you push
Oh, oh, yea
This has been a shame
The game exists like this
The game exists like this
Falling
Falling out
Of love...with you babe
Falling
Falling out
Of love...with you babe

Hinckley...

2006-03-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

How hot is that? Thats my Hinckley.

137 calls and counting

2006-03-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

Today is my friday, sort of. I took last sunday off because I am a dork, and I had an Oscar party. Its one of my traditions. So I had to forefit my Thursday Survivor night. Thats okay because I record it anyway. So I have tomorrow off but just one day. So its sort of my friday.

So Matthew was talking about this "you are everything, you are nothing" shit the other day. He likes to start these converstions with me.. which I love by the way, having somebody intelligent to talk to. But I dont even know how to touch that one. Its an oxymoron, and I could try to take a stab at it, but its not going to be anything of beauty. He got me going on about the "Renting love" thing as well. That one, I was told I contradicted myself a little too much. So thats what I get for trying! I think for one, if somebody is going to sit there and tell you that you are nothing, to hell with them. Lol. Im just kidding about that one. But if you have any explination that makes ANY sense whatsoever on that one, let me know, because I have nothing.

SOOOOO... being the dork that I am, I was cataloging my DVD's yesterday. Sadly, I have enough to catalog. So I have 94 DVD's all together, not counting the ones that I record off tv (I have a DVR, which I love) OR the 6 seasons of Seinfeld and the 2 seasons of 3rd Rock From the Sun. Many people may find this as sad, but I actually like it. Its hard to ever figure out what I want to watch though. I have 5 favorites that I can watch over and over and over again, and I do. So usually only 5 of them get viewed. Im thinking of starting my own Blockbusters. Lol.

Nothing

2006-03-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

Matthew figured out what I did, and he pinned a rose on his nose and everything! Hahaha. Yeah, its not that special, but whatever works.

Today is good times, I really have ABSOLUTLY nothing to write about lately, and today is no exception, so there!

I finally did it...

2006-03-07T23:23:00.000-07:00

I did it. I did something great. If you can figure out what it is, you can pin a rose on your nose! Hahaha. Its not that special... But ITS A SECRET!

Buy Harry Potter... 113 bucks later....

2006-03-07T22:54:00.000-07:00

I went to get Harry Potter last night, and on the way there it started raining. So I rolled all the windows down and let the rain come pouring in! I LOVE rain more than you will ever know! Most people run inside the house when it begins to rain. If I am in, I go out and dance!!! Its good times.

So I go to Wal*Mart, and they are just smart. They know how to make you spend your money, and they know I am coming. I didnt own any of the other Harry Potters, and was waiting for a good deal on them. So right in the same display case, 2-disk special feature Harry Potter movies 1-3. Only 9 bucks each! Thats a good deal. So I also go Jarhead, Pride and the Prejudice (if I spelled it right, which I dont think I did) and Wallace and Gromit, and I think two other ones that I cant remember right now. Well anyway, $113.00 later, here I am! I am a "movie whore" that is what my sister in law calls me. And I am. They make me happy!

Okay, so I LOVE the Amazing Race, and Survivor SO MUCH. I have always wanted to go on Survivor or Fear Factor. Then I ruled out Fear Factor because its not as much money. I would do REALLY good on Survivor, but I would need to lose weight before going on there, and it will go off the air before then. So then my brother, Chris and I were thinking about going on the Amazing Race. It would be SO much fun, but then he said he would never want to be together with me that long, and he would quit because I would drive him crazy and he didnt want to take time off of his job just to go on the show and quit. So that scratched that. So I am taking applicants. If you want to be my partner on the Amazing Race, TELL ME AND WE WILL DO IT FOR REALS. I want to win a lot of money, and I would be good at that shit. I have watched the shows, I know what I am doing. My manager, Julene said she would help me out with my tape to get on the show, so I just need a friend! Lets do it.

Last song for a while, I promise. But I found it.

2006-03-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

"Cut the Cord"

Forgive me my presumption
There seems to be a problem here
I cannot weigh it all
But the signals crystal clear
Oh, like animals
We hear the calls
The curtain falls
I can see thru them all
Why did you never see me here?
Treat me like your dog
Wait 'til the day i rise
Will it ever be your turn
So i'm planning on a book
Oh, though you've demonised my eye's
But i see right through you baby
You wont blind me from your lies
I failed to mention to
These things that can't be said in words
Yeah, and you know your running out
Your running out of time
Why do it to me
When clearly you can set yourself free
And i can't give you that
Why can you never see me here?
Treat me like your dog
Wait 'til the day i rise
Will it ever be your turn
So many roads of life left to define
There's more to you
Or more to outshine
I must remind myself of one thing
I climbed the mountain just to get the truth
Pay the price just know that were through
Now i'm running
Why didn't i forsee the end
Treat me like your dog
Wait 'til the day i rise
Never beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... undone

More songs... I know, arent you sick of them?

2006-03-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so the last song I posted, wasnt the song that I really wanted. Sadly, I didnt realize this. I have NO clue what the song is called that I love and that reminds me so much of myself, but its the best. If you sit down and actually LISTEN to words that are being said in the songs, you relate to all of them. One of the songs by Pray for the Soul of Betty is called "Suicide". If I only had this CD a few years ago, I would of been able to cope with Jasons death a lot better. I dont want to bore you with yet another entire song, but some of the lyrics are as follows;

Hey whatcha' say,
An empty day
Won't you be brave
You're everywhere
Oh you disappeared though
A grave mistake
For Heaven's sake
Ya did it all for Jesus
Did ya think it all would please us?
If you step outside
I'll warn you from your suicide
This pain in your eyes
Don't do anything
Just pray for something better
There's always something better

And if I ever get that other song, I will let you know, because it is so wonderful. If you dont go and get the CD (or download it, you itunes people) you are missing out on some good shit, for reals.

Tonight is my movie night, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes out, as well as Jarhead with Jake Gyllenhaal. I love Harry Potter, I am a TOTAL nerd and I have read all the books at least 4 times each. The fourth book was my favorite, and I read that many, many times. The only problem I have with this movie is that it didnt stick to the book very well, and I would know. For instance, Dobby wasnt in this movie at all, when he was a big player in the book. He had a girlfriend, and they were at the world quidditch cup. Then Dobby was the one that gave Harry the gillyweed, not Neville. Then Hermione was doing the whole House Elf protest shit, and saying that the house elves need rights, and all that. Come on, those were MAJOR parts. They cut WAY too much out. This is one of those movies that the viewers dont care if its 3 hours or longer because they are deticated fans. Like Lord of the Rings (which I havent seen, and never will) those movies are SO long but people cant get enough of them. I mean, they are out there buying the versions that have all the deleted scenes, and wathcing 5 hours of that shit. Cant they stick to the Harry Potter books any better than that? Come on now.

Can you RENT love? Only if you're a RICH BITCH

2006-03-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

So the question was posed to me today if you can rent love. I think you can. You can buy it as well, if you think about it as buying it with love, not "buying" it with money, jewlery, etc. It all depends on what you give, for what you get back. Many can think "well all I do is give, and get nothing back" so you are renting love. What do you do when you are renting a house? You give a bunch of money, keep giving. Is the house ever yours? No. You have nothing to show for what you gave. If you buy a house... Spend your money, hard earned cash to get the house, you get a house in return that is yours to keep and do what you want with it. You have something to show for what you put in. The decision, however of weather you want to buy or rent is not yours to make. The constant in both of those were not what you got out, but what you put in. You put a lot in to rent, and the same for if you buy. It depends on how well it was recieved, and if the person wants to sell you his or her house. Your lover is ultimately your lanlord. That is my answer and I am sticking to it.

It kills me who will talk to you to your face, and then behind your back the next moment. I have a lot aquantances, who know eachother, but dont know I know each of them. Did that make sense? Anyway... If you are talking about me and somebody overhears you, you may not think anything of it, until this person (whom you may not know knows me) tells me ALL about what you said. Good times, I say, because the wrath of Sadie really is a bitch that will bite your ass for the rest of your life. Keep it simple and dont fuck with me. I and a vengeful person, and I LOVE to get whats mine. Keep that in mind, my friends.

On a lighter note... Pray for the Soul of Betty. GOOD TIMES with them. Constantine (whom was on American Idol) is the lead singer of this wonderful band, and I am telling you, the eyeliner is ROCKIN on him. I think you need to listen to their songs, and you will FALL IN LOVE. I know I did! Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. It actually reminds me of somebody. Anywho, all the sites I went to had qustion marks because they didnt know what all of the words were, because they are a little hard to understand. But I found a site that thinks they are on to it. Here you go, and enjoy!

"Rich Bitch"

You've got me spinning around your tornado
Then keep on making pay
You've got me yellin as soon as I see you
But you got nothing to say
It's the same old story
The same as the last time
How much more you think i can take
Play me like a fool and i'm down on my luck
Somehow i just can't get away
When i think of all your lies
Wonder what i ever did, to suffer you
We always make the same mistakes
This time i lay the burden down on you
I'll tell ya something i just don't understand
It's kind of tough to get a lesser man
Your so vain
I'm trying baby but i'm going insane
Out of my mind
Yeah
When i think of all your lies
Wonder what i ever did, to suffer you
We always make the same mistakes
This time i lay the burden down on you

I think the song is actually a LOT longer than this, but it sounds right to me! So check them out, they are spiffy an Constantine is SEXY IN EYELINER. So there. I think I am actually getting a little bit more odd lately. Thats what I think.

Today is my Friday

2006-03-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

Im so excited. Im going to watch Rent finally, and then Walk the Line tonight. Im stoked.

Then tomorrow Steph and I are going to West High to see some of our old teachers, because we are complete nerds like that.

Life is great, nothing is getting me down, and its good times. Hinckley wants me, but I am sort of considering to tell him to fuck off. Hes cute and I love him and we left on good terms, but I dont know... I sort of was coming onto him and I dont want to do that. He has to come to me or NO DEAL! Muahaha. Cleary I have the power here, I have upper hand and I love it! Sweet.

Its raining... I LOVE the rain more than ANYTHING.

2006-02-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to Wal*Mart and picked up my copy of Walk the Line. I LOVE that movie, I dont know if you could tell. So I was there, and you know the cardboard display that holds the movies? Well, there was another one that held POSTERS for Walk the Line... Hell yeah, I was all over that shit. They know how to hook me. Sad, but true. So I only bought 2 movies last night, a lot better than the massive amount of movies I bought last week. I need to stop buying shit. I spent like 150 bucks on Avon. Thats horrendous if you take into consideration that everything costs a max of 3.99. Wow.

So I think I made the security man mad at me. I was walking down to change, and he was in the little room, and he was totally watching me on camera because he was standing at the little half door when I walked by and he was just glaring at me. So I pretended to be on my phone when I was going the other way. He creeps me out. Its probably in my head, but I'm not taking any chances.

Today was positivly blissful! It was raining and it was FANTASTIC. I love the rain. This song is one of my absolute favorites, its by Clint Black (country) and he has the most amazing voice in this song. I love it. It makes me HAPPY! Yay.

I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you
Every thunder cloud that came was one more I might not get through
On the darkest day there’s always light and now I see it too
But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you
I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind
All the heaven’s rivers come to light and I see it all unwind
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane
And when I hear it I just can’t believe I never liked the rain
Like the rain
I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Liked the rain always calling for you I’m falling for you now
Just like the rain
When the cloud is rolling over thunder striking me
It’s as bright as lightning and I wonder why I couldn’t see
That it’s always good and when the flood is gone we still remain
Guess I’ve known all along I just belong here with you falling
Like the rain
I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Liked the rain always calling for you, I’m falling for you now
Just like the rain I have fallen for you
I’m falling for you know just like the rain
And when the night falls on our better days
And we’re looking to the sky
For the winds to take us high above the plains
I know that we’ll find better ways to look into the eye
Of the storms that will be calling
Forever we’ll be falling
Like the rain I have fallen for you, and I know just why you
Like the rain always calling for you, I’m falling for you now just
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Like the rain always calling for you, I’m falling for you now just
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Like the rain always calling for you, I’m falling for you now just
Like the rain
Like the rain

Ouch...My life is LAME

2006-02-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.8
Mind:	6.1
Body:	7
Spirit:	6.1
Friends/Family:	2.1
Love:	0
Finance:	5.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Ouch... That sort of sucks. The body one is laughable. Have you SEEN me? Yeah, I exercise and eat salad every day, but that doenst mean I have a real great body. I made a goal last year that I was going to run the Salt Lake City marathon. Yeah, not going to happen. Maybe next year. Who is with me? I dont even care so much about the love one, but the friend and family one. I would like to have a really good friend, to call and hang out and be there for me, but I dont have that. Jeff was as close as it got to a best friend, and he was, but he is GONE now... And we never really did anything anyway. We were friends, and we saw eachother like once a week. What the hell is up with that? That sucks ass.

Matthew put his notice in, and its official. Im sort of being a bitch about it, and I dont like that. I am TERRIBLY happy for him because he deserves good shit like everybody else, and I am happy. It just that clearly I am an insensitive bitch, who puts her own feelings before others (no shit, right?) But I like his company, and we had good times.

Walk the line comes out tonight, and I strongly suggest that you all go out and get it. That movie is the shit. I love it. Johnny Cash is a legend, and this is just great for him to live forever! Yay! Now they need a REAL Elvis movie, not that "behind the smile" shit, a GOOD movie.

Dott Hencer... Hahaha

2006-02-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

I found the "hidden blog" and I feel proud of myself, not because it was SO HARD TO FIND, but because clearly I am not as oblivious as I thought I was. That being said, he is going to move it again, and I REALLY hope that doenst happen. I like to know whats up with people and I wont know how he is feeling about things at certain times, especially now that HE IS LEAVING.

SOOOOOOO GUESSSSSSS WHATTTTTTT??? I saw Hinckley today! Sweet times were going on. His church gets out an HOUR before mine starts. He was sitting in the chapel when I got there. As soon as I walked in, he looked at me, and got up and started walking. I was thinking "what the hell?" Until he came over to me and gave me a BIG hug! Yay for me. I was feeling pretty special today after that.

So Jeff's last day here is tomorrow, and he had a party (as I wrote about earlier) and then he was having another party tonight at the Sheraton (cheap ass hotel if you ask me) with a stripper (cheap ass girl if you ask me). Sadly, I wanted to go because we are working with limited time here people. He is LEAVING me just like everybody else in my life. If you are slightly close to me.... I suggest RUN. Jason died, Will left and came back only to leave me for another chick, Ben is gone and moved to St. George, Hinckley is going on his mission in a month, and so far, what the hell? Goodness. People are leaving me left and right.

I am SO excited... Walk the Line comes out on tuesday, and that means after work tomorrow I get to make a Wal*Mart run. YAY!

Amazingly enough, I think I am done talking for today. And does that EVER happen? Im going with no.

Everybody can go to hell....

2006-02-25T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today was an odd day. I went to Jeff's party because he is leaving us on Monday. He joined the Navy for some really odd reason. So I went there and I took Shawni because she keeps my head on when I want to beat the shit out of Jeffs friends. So we went there, and we were the only ones for a minute, then Rachel, Heather and Rachels fiance showed up. I dont enjoy these people AT ALL. When we were in high school, I was a bitch to them. Plain and simple. They hate me. So I sat there with them giving me dirty looks the ENTIRE time. I was talking to Jeff and Skyler and it was okay, but when Jeff and I get together its sort of Sadie and Jeff time. Heather is in love with Jeff and was glaring at me. Jeff and I fight each other a lot for pure entertainment, and he was pushing me over the couch, and Heather said to Rachel "shes such a whore." So I got up and said "what the FUCK is your problem with me?" And she got her ass up and stormed out the door and peeled out of the driveway. It was rather amusing. She knows not to get in my face because I kicked her ass once. So she left, then Rachel glared at me and went and drove after her. So fuck her.

Then I got to work and Matthew said he got his job. Im happy for him, seriously I am. Im just sad because I enjoy his company. He is really good to talk to about ANYTHING. He is seriously like the brother I never had. Both of my brothers are sell outs and assholes. I cant talk to them about anything, but I can tell Matthew anything. Its good times in that office of ours. So my brother is probably applying for his position and I hope he doesnt get it. I guess its better than some alternatives, but I dont care. He really fuckin pisses me off.

So Matthew got a new blog and I dont where the hell it is, and I was making myself so angry looking for it the other day. I respect his privacy and understand he wants it private, but I am nosey and like to be "in the loop" so to speak. I like to know what is going on in peoples lives. I have this need to know about peoples lives. Its sad I know... But you mark my words, I will find that website. Its out there.... Somewhere. And I know you are reading this, Matthew... You are the only one that reads it, so mark my words!

Im sort of pissed off today, and I dont know why. I have MAJOR ADD going on right now, and I have gone through a pack of gum and started on another one already today... I cant sit still and I just want to kick somebodys ass. This is where the punching bag comes in handy.

Nothing to say!

2006-02-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty uneventful. Tomorrow is my day off though! Im very excited about that one. I dont do anything on my days off because I am a loser with no friends. I think I will go and see Jason and take some flowers to his grave. Then Survivor is on, and I LOVE that show, so I have to watch it. Then on next tuesday, Walk the Line comes out on DVD. Good times.

Gravesites and Walmart. Long night.

2006-02-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

I went to Walmart last night and went movie crazy. I do that a lot, but its good times. I went to get RENT because it came out last night, Im excited to see it. So I was looking at all the movies for like 7 bucks, and ended up with like 5 of them. That is sort of pathetic, but I LOVE movies. I also go 3rd Rock From the Sun on DVD. That show is a work of genius. Its hilarious. I really relate to Harry. Once again with the pathetic, but who cares, its who I am! I got a really good compliment today, and it cheered me up! It was good times. I also got Jason on my friends list on MySpace and was really glad, so I went and left a comment.

I was talking to Stephanie today about him. She knew the girlfriend well, and she said "he was an ass for blaming her" I was pissed. I know I cant blame her for it. If I blame her for it, I have to blame myself too. So we got into this discussion on MSN Messanger. She said she knew both sides of the story, but she didnt know shit. She said "you cant blame her for a decision he made." Which is true, in her defence, but in my mind he may of pulled the trigger, but she loaded the gun. He always said that he would do anything for her, and ultimately he did. He was SO in love with her, and she didnt get it. Stephanie has no idea about both sides of the story. I saw parts of his brain laying in his driveway. That sort of puts a scar on you for life. We all have our own views, and I dont blame her for everything. I saw the note that said "I did it for her" and he did. But he did it out of love I guess. He just didnt think of how it would effect other people than her. Its leaving peoples lives feel empty 5 years later. I could of said somthing to make him feel better maybe, but ultimately, he made a decision. In the mormon religion they believe that you can see people again in "heaven." I am not going to lie, I wanted to kill myself after it happened because I wanted to be there with him, but then I thought about what he did to me, and I didnt want to do it to anybody I loved. Part of the reason I am mormon is because I want to be with him again. If I believe the same things he did I can see him again.

I was talking with Matthew yesterday at work, and he said that he would be crushed if somebody close to him died, and he wouldnt know what to do. I didnt. My dad had a recognition at his work 1 day after the funeral. There were pictures of me taken at this event and I looked dead. I was pale and I hadnt eaten for about 4 days. Remember what Elizabeth Smart's dad looked like after she had gone missing and he hadnt eaten. I looked like that. I guess that is maybe what depression feels like, except depression isnt for a reason, its just there. I was just sad and heartbroken.

This has been on my mind lately, and I dont really know why I keep talking about him. I havent talked about him for a few years. I had nobody to tell anything too. When you tell somebody you had somebody close to you die, they dont care. They act sad, but they didnt know who the person was and they just say they are sorry and move on with their life. I went to his grave last night after I got off of work. I layed there under the stars, in the freezing cold just crying. It was one of the lowest moments of my life, and yet it made me feel stronger. I felt close to him again, and it was great. He will always be with me, wherever I go and whatever I do. That is what true happiness is, having somebody help you along every single day, weather in person or just in thought. Thinking about him makes me happy, and gives me a reason to live, since he cant.

What the hell?

2006-02-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so the other night, the security guard was creepy AGAIN. He picked me up and was like "I think you were lying about what you said the other day." And so I said "what did I say?" And he said "that you dont have a boyfriend." And I said "well, I dont." And was sort of being a bitch to him. So he said "You are beautiful. What is wrong with people?" And I just ignored him. So then he said "what do you do on your days off?" And so I said "sleep" because I wanted him to leave me the fuck alone. So he said "dont you get bored?" And I said "No, I like sleep." And he said, "well if you ever get bored, call me. What do you like to do?" And I said "nothing." And he said "I dont believe you, tell me what you like to do. Do you dance?". So I said "No, I cant dance, and I dont want to learn." Then we finally got to my car, and I jumped out of that van so fast. Then the next night, I was going to blow him off and not ask for an escort. So I was going to the closet to get my coat, and he is there... "Do you need an escort?" So I said "No, I am going to change" so he said "I will wait by the front desk for you." I said "Okay." I went and changed and then went through the underground place. I was seriously creaped out though. I texted Matthew saying that it was creepy just because I wanted to tell somebody. I dont want to tell my parents because they will freak out, or my brother, because my parents will then find out and freak out. So I thought to myself 'matthew' and texted him hoping he wasnt asleep already. He thinks I should tell somebody, but its sort of embarassing, and the dude will know its me. So I will just keep avoiding him, and get an escort on his days off.

So lately, I have been thinking about Jason. I dont like to because everytime I even say his name, I want to cry my fuckin eyes out. I used to go to his grave every single day. I would sluff school, take a book and read to the grave. I still go every now and then, when he pops into my head. But his brother made him a MySpace account, which is sort of odd. Its a great memorial thing for him, however and I love it. I am OBSESSED with looking at the picture of him... I cant take my eyes off of it, no matter how much I want to. I have pictures of him at home, and I carry around his obituary in my wallet. I pull it out every night and kiss him goodnight. It helps me cope. It shows you how truley shocking it was to everybody though, he died in 2001... That was 5 years ago this May, and people comment his page about how much they still miss him. I want to add him as a friend, but I dont know if his brother will accept me... we didnt leave on great terms. I guess all I can do is try though, for his sake though. Im just a freak and I need to get over it. Looking at a page on the internet isnt going to bring him back and its not exactly healthy to keep staring at it.

Matthew is doing this thing where he has to think of 3 things he likes about himself every day. He has challanged people to join him in this... and I guess I can try it. I dont think it will be very successfull, but I will try.

1) My intellect. I have an IQ of 150, and am DAMN proud of it
2) My ability to not care what people think of me, so I can act how I want
3) How little things amuse me, like ripping off the back of a toothbrush package. Thats exciting, and dont deny it.

The suicide of Jason Fisher

2006-02-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

When I got to work today, they were talking about suicide, and that it is ALWAYS brought on by depression. Its NOT though. I can prove them wrong. His name was Jason Fisher, and he was the happiest person you could ever meet. He was a close friend, and I knew him since kindergarten. He wasnt depressed. He did everything. He went out with beautiful women (myself included), played football, wrestled, was one of the wrestling coaches, and was just in love with life. He was SO happy, and he had a smile that could bring down the house. He had the cutest little dimples, and he had happy eyes. When you were with him, you didnt have problems. Everything was fantasticly fantastic. There was a long weekend at school for memorial day. He called me on friday night, and wanted to know if I wanted to go fishing on monday. I said yes, and so we were making plans. He was going to call some other people, and it was great. I was one of 3 he called on saturday night (the next night). His girlfriend was one of them. He called her right before me. She and I never got along and she didnt want to go if I was going. So I said "its okay, I will stay home, its fine." He said that she got mad at him and was freaking out. His exact words were. "She told me I may as well kill myself, because she didnt want to see me again." So I said something to the effect of "fuck her" and he was was a joking sort of person and he said "i already did" so we laughed it off and things were great. I was going fishing with him on monday and things were good. His dad was a highway patrol dude, and that night he took his dads gun, shot himself in the head on the driveway. First thing his parents saw when they got home was Jason laying in the driveway, the right side of his face blown off. People blame me for not stopping him, but I had no idea he was going to do it. I kick myself every day for it though. I blame his fuckin girlfriend. If I ever meet up with her again, or run into her, I am going to kick her ass. No joke. It was her fault and she pretended it wasnt. They thought it was me. He wasnt depressed, he died of a broken heart.

Good times

2006-02-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

So today was FANTASTIC! Yay. Okay, so it started off with french toast, which, how can you go wrong right? So then I helped my dad sand the mud in the rooms we are building, that was cool. Then Chris brought us lunch, and was looking over my tax stuff, and made me mad because, that is his business how? So I said to him "What are we doing here?" and he blew up in my face, which he is so wonderful at doing. So I just ignore him. Hes an ass and always will be.

At work, it was slow, so I was on MySpace A LOT, like usual, and Hinckley started talking to me. It was good times. For all of you MySpace nerds like me and know what a top 8 is, I am now in his top 8. And not in last position, I may add. He is in 8th place in mine, im in 7th on his. For some reason I think this means something. I like to think it does, so there you go.

Im a little bit bored right now, and there is NOTHING to do, I did all my work, and Matthew was going to give me comissions to do, but he didnt. So thanks, Matthew, because I would rather do this. But what a concept, working at work.

So tomorrow I am going to church so I can see Hinckley. One may think this is stalking, however it was my church first, and he knows when I am not there, and points it out to me. Who is the stalker? I rest my case.

Money back, Hinckley's back, life is GOOD.

2006-02-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

So, I really have nothing going for myself these days. I filed my taxes today, and it was good times. I get a big return back, and I am looking forward to that.

Hinckley does NOT have a girlfriend, and he told me I better write him while he is on his mission. He did get his call, and he is going to Indiana. I dont want him to leave me :( I really dont. I really thought he was "the one" forever ago. Im starting to think that again. I REALLY like this kid. No joke. Can you tell I like him? You know that feeling when you look at somebody, or even just TALK about them and you get SO EXCITED, you feel like nothing can ever go wrong again? He makes me feel that way. Its really hard for me to share my feelings with people, and thats why I have this blog. Im sort of sharing my feelings with myself, if that makes any sense at all. I really cant get the kid out of my head. He is WONDERFUL.

So Matthew did get offered a job, but he says "nothing is official yet" so I cant say anything. So I'm not saying anything. I am really excited for him, but I dont know who I am going to get stuck working with if he leaves. You see how selfish I am? Im a bitch. Oh well, thats how I feel, and thats that.

This security guard at work sort of freaks me out. He escorts me to my car every night, and he starts like flirting with me. I could be being arrogant, which is no suprise... but he is always like "I am so luck to have you everynight in my car" and then last time, he was telling me about his days off were the next 2 days. So I get out of the van, and go to my car. He rolls the window down in the van and says "when am I going to see you again?" like WHO DOES THAT? For reals.

Hinckley, Matthew, Valentines day... Did I get it all?

2006-02-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I havent written for a really long time. I am bored, so I am going to do it now. So Hinckley was writting me "You didnt come to stake conference, your a bad girl." or something to that effect. So the fact that he was looking for me sort of flatters me. He would of had to look REALLY hard to know I wasnt there. There were so many people they had to split up into 2 different rooms. So he must of checked both the rooms. Thats what I am starting to think.

Next item, Matthew. I think he is actually getting happier, which I am glad about. I posted some lyrics to White Flag, by Dido, and it may of helped him out... I am not taking full resposibiliaty for him being happier, because in the end, they are his feelings that he had to change, and he made a big step, and I give him props for doing so. I dont, however think he got the job at Target. I, of course am happy for this because I am selfish and would miss him too much. But then again, I really wanted him to get it because he deserves something great.

So Ben is this hot guy that works at Taco Time by my work. I used to work for taco time and my siter-in-law still does, and she works with him. He is moving to St. George to work at the Taco Time down there for more money. This is sad for me because I totally had a crush on him. I really did enjoy his company. Everytime I went in there on my lunch break at work, he would come and sit down and talk to me. He is just a funny guy, and I like that. If you can make me laugh, you have a place in my heart!

I think that is about it... Except for the fact that yesterday was Valentines Day, and I have no valentine. But my parents are so cute, they go me some flowers and a card. I love those guys! They are the best! YAY!

Parents on MySpace, I want to tear you apart.

2006-02-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this morning my dad says "So I read some distressing things about you last night." So he goes off about MySpace. Here is the thing. Parents have no clue what is going on. They can hack into MySpace and keep tabs on their kids, but MYSPACE ISNT REAL. I tried to pound that into their head this morning, but they dont understand. I use MySpace to keep in touch with my friends... Not to meet random men and have sex with them. I am not stupid.

So I was talking to Matthew today and I really just want to help him and come up with something really wonderful to say to make him feel better, but I have absolutly NOTHING to tell him. I made him feel a little better today because he thinks he is crazy that he still has feelings. I told him he would be crazy if he didnt feel that way. Any sane person would feel something, that is proof that he is human. He went through a really bad break-up and his ex was an ASS. So why would he still like him? For the same reason women stay with the husbands who beat the shit out of them. THEY ARE IN LOVE. Unfortunately, I hate to say it they arent in love with you anymore. I would tell him this, however I dont want to hurt his feelings. I dont know what to do. But I feel bad for him.

I LOVE this new song by "She Wants Revenge" Here it is... Its FANTASTIC...

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait nevermind
Late night, in passing, metioned it flip
to her bestfriend, it's no thing, maybe it slipped
but the slip turns to terror and the crush to like
when she walked in he froze up, leaves it to fright
Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days
It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow
I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart
Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it'd passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare
They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause theres always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last
Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her
I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close S
oft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

I really love that song for some reason! Isnt wonderful?

New computers!

2006-02-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Good times were to be had today. We got new computers at work and they are FAST. I like being able to actually do my job! Its good stuff. So nothing really happened today. I exercised, ate pizza, did the usual stuff, but ITS FRIDAY for me. I am off tomorrow! Yay! I can clean my room and do laundry. I love cleaning a lot. I am odd. So matthew is having a job interview tomorrow and I think he will do EXCELLANT because he is good like that. I am going to be completely selfish here and say I hope he doesnt get it, because then he wont be leaving. However, I want him to be happy and so there you go. The fact that he has the interview is a SECRET so mums the word okay? I dont think people even read this, so I am in no danger. Hahahaha. So sad, but so true. Im spent.

Superbowl Sunday

2006-02-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today is the Superbowl. I had to work, like usual, so I didnt get to see it. However, I am fine with it. My favorite team wasnt playing, so I didnt care.

When I got to work today, our computers were down. Have you ever tried to make reservations for 2 major hotels while the computers are down? Its not good times, and I wasnt happy. I think that has sort of put me in a bad mood. I dont get in bad moods and it sort of makes me mad to be in a bad mood. I had a WONDERFUL day before work, and I got shopped last night and today, and passed with FLYING colors (what do you expect) and I am just sort of BLAH right now. Part of the problem was the computers, the other reason is I havent eaten for about 12 hours, and I am not hungry. Matthew was in a bad mood today and it sort of rubbed off onto me. I dont blame him, but it didnt help.

I didnt go to church today either, but the reason I have been going lately is because Hinckley goes to the same church and I am in LOVE with that man. So I was a bum today, wore my capri pants with hairy legs, flip flops and a tank top. I was loving life. Then I dont know what happened, but I dont like it!

That is all I have to give right now.

Really...

2006-02-04T22:57:00.000-07:00

So here I am at work, and I tried to go onto Matthew's blog. It says that I cant access it. That shows me that they are watching what we do here at the hotel. I already knew that. However, Why pick that on? I think Matthew and I are the only two that know that even is in existance. Why not block MySpace? The entire hotel is on MySpace, but the two of us are the only ones that go on that website. So then Matthew says "hope we dont get fired" Yeah, thanks for that scare. I love my job, and here he is talking abou me getting fired. Well thanks. So I talk about him a lot for one reason, he is the one person I see pretty much every single day, for a long time. I dont even see my family as much. I am adopting him as my brother from another mother. Officially right now.

So, on another note, I went shopping today at Wal*Mart. I LOVE that store, I dont care who you are, it is handy, especially if you are on my budget. So I got some exercise pants because I work out every single day, but lately I havent been in the mood. So when I get some pants on, I get in the mood. I currently walk on the treadmill for an hour and then do Pilates for an hour after that. Its a good routine, but two hours is a long time to force yourself to do somthing. I would rather be watching Johnny Depps movies to tell you the truth. But lately, I am saving up for an elliptical. I really enjoy those. I used to belong to a gym and that is when I first started using one, and they are really nice.

So I am going on a field trip to the Salt Lake City Aquarium on thursday and am really looking forward to it. I used to work at a school, where my sister in law, Noelle works. She is a 3rd grade teacher there and the kids really like me to go up there. I love little kids and want to have 7 of them myself, but actually I want an even number because if we went to an amusement park, they would each need a buddy, so it would be either 6 or 8 kids. Anyway, I am excited for the field trip. I LOVE field trips and the kids.

Footsteps of Matthew

2006-02-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am following in the footsteps of Matthew. I now have a blog, and I am damn proud of it! Okay, so I am not THAT excited about it. I have actually come to find that I dont have real great things to post on my site, because my life is really boring. Hence "I write a lot of sensless jargon". It is true. As you are finding out right now. Here is the thing about me though. I say A LOT, and yet to most people it doesnt register. I dont want to say that they are too stupid to understand, it is just that they dont care. I am pretty much going to be venting about the stupidity of the world. I happen to think a WHOLE lot of myslef and my intelligence. When I am right, I am. Thats me! Enjoy the jargon!